DinnerParties

Plus you get to wear your DinnerJacket and drink wine, while talk about ThingsThatMatter. Not for kids. -ColinLeung

Wearing DinnerJackets would seem to PeterTaylor to be a formal setting rather than a semi-formal one. Certainly he doesn't have a dress code when he holds a dinner party.

What are ThingsThatMatter?  --Vitenka

Answered by Wikilinking :) to an old page but a good one :)

I like wearing suit type stuff, it can be fun.  Wine is on the no-no list, but other than that - why not for kids?  --Vitenka

I find the opposite - one seems to spend the time talking about things that don't matter. Or at least the ladies as described by stereotypes seem to. It's called "gossip", "small talk" or "dinner conversation". - MoonShadow, who rather enjoys some of it at the time but usually finds it impossible to recall the exact content afterwards.

AlexChurchill is of the opinion that whether it's ThingsThatMatter or not, if you're closer to your friends afterwards and enjoyed the evening, then the dinner party was a success.  It makes it easier to deepen your relationship with people if you talk about ThingsThatMatter, but it's not a requirement.

MoonShadow agrees, but finds it very hard to join in to "small talk" - he tends to enjoy listening instead. A sign of immaturity?

Could you please stop going around begging to be insulted?  If you like, I can declare right now that I believe that your current conversational tactics do show you to have a somewhat less mature level of conversational skills than many, as you prefer confrontation, rather than working with other people to further both your understandings of the subject.  Would that help? --M-A

Exactly. If you have to ask 'what's the point?' it shows you've missed it. --ChiarkPerson

Uh.. isn't that a tautology? - MoonShadow, confused.

As phrased, yes.  The meaning of "what's the point" is ambiguous there - I presume the intended meaning was "{the speaker believes that} There is no point" implies that the speaker has missed the point.  Which stops it being tautological, but is still obvious (assuming that there is a point.)  --Vitenka (Seriously though, what's the point of small talk?  Why not have big talk - it still includes all of the bonding elements)

(PeterTaylor) Small talk can be interesting, it can get people comfortable so that they're confident to engage in big talk, it can be easier to discuss while eating (since you don't want to launch into a long paragraph or four while your food gets cold), and you can engage in it while waiting for others to arrive. He isn't sure that big talk does include all of the bonding elements. Sure, talking politics teaches you something about another person, but friendship is about people, and people are far more than their political and religious views. As to observations of conversation subjects at dinner parties, he's been to some where all the conversation is small talk, and some where small talk occurs over food and then deep conversation over coffee.

{CouldResistButChoosingNotTo?...} So people are their political and religious views, as well as the fact that it was cloudy this morning but cleared up around noon and you should avoid the A35 on the way to Chichester?  --Vitenka

Wrong kind of small talk.  You get to know someone by discussing with them the ThingsThatMatter to them.  Politics and religion, yes.  But also friendship, forgiveness, love, security, responsibility, priorities.  And no, people "are" not just the sum of their views on all those things.  But discussing all of them with people will let you know the person better than just some of them.  (On the other hand, small talk about the weather and who won the football doesn't build the relationship except on the most superficial level.)  --AlexChurchill

When you talk to someone with the aim of getting to know them, the words that are actually said are the tiniest tiniest part of the process. --ChiarkPerson

Hmmm... a nice cliche, with a certain amount to it; but if you're suggesting that the *subject* under discussion has little relevance to how well people get to know one another, I'd have to disagree strongly.  And even keeping a given subject constant, how you phrase things can make just as much difference as the body language and tone of voice you use.  All of these are (partly and imperfectly) communicating your attitude to the person; but the words (both in choice of subject and in turns of phrase) are far from irrelevant in getting to know people.  --AC

Ummm.  I can see the point.  And, with suitably WinnieThePooh tone of voice:  "Oh.  A DinnerParty? is one of those things, is it?"  --Vitenka

AlexChurchill would tend to agree.  Sometimes it can be fun to just enjoy talking utter rubbish with friends too, though.  They tend to be the same friends who you can stay up late talking about ThingsThatMatter with, in my experience.  People need time to relax as well as time to talk serious.  Both are fun.

• Saying someone is immature is not an insult.  Especially since we are already having an argument over what immaturity means, and the person has voluntarily classified themself as immature and happy about it.
  
• I'd have to say that the tactic being used is to provoke the other party into attacking them verbally.  I am unsure why, although there are several ways that this is an effective tactic in an argument.  The point that it doesn't necc. help very much, is, however, a good one.
  

Hmph. Yes, I guess you and MA are right. Sorry, minna. - MoonShadow, who's still trying to decide whether he actually *wants* to be mature or not and if he doesn't then what sort of things he wants considered mature by his peer group so he has an excuse not to do or be them.