The Consequences Page!

        Some of the noteworthy ones include:
#4, where Morag met her own male alter ego;
        #9 and #42, where I demonstrate my unparallelled chat-up skills, but seem to get a result anyway;
#13, with Anna's male alter ego meeting Jeremy's feminine side;
        #14, where Mr Tickle met Dolly the Sheep II with possibly the most surreal consequence so far;
#20, where King Kong meets his match;
        #23, featuring Mike's graceful dancing;
#21, with Mike and Morag experiencing some difficulties in their relationship...
        ...and #32, where they seem to make up again;
#33, the most embarrassing thing I've ever had to type onto this page;
        #29, the famous discovery by Kt & Jud about the reality (or lack thereof) of the OddSquad;
#40, one of the most surreal results even by OddSquad standards;
        #45, a rather fishy collection of items that completely coincidentally all ended up together;
#31 and #38, where girls attempt to unmask the Masked Man;
        and #s 23, 27, and 28, where Nia shows her more violent side.
 
 

#1: Jeremy met Katie B at Christ's p'lodge. He said "Are you ticklish?"  She said "No, remember you are on probation!", so they slept until 3 pm the next day and many sarcastic comments were made about them.

#2: Jeremy met Morag in a dark alley and he said "You don't really want to do that."  She said "Do I stress you out? Is my sweater on backwards and inside out?"  They talked about it for hours and hours and a message appeared on Mike's door at 4:00 in the morning.

#3: Overkill (an assassin for those who don't know) met Morag at StAG.  He said "You have the perception of a brick" and she said "Of course, now or later?"  So they had a lightsabre duel on top of the TypeWriter and she allowed him to use her room as a hideout.

#4: Morag's male alter ego met Morag at Po Na Na's.  He said "take your clothes off then" and she said "We should get along fine then."  They had their ears pierced and chained themselves together and as a result she became a lesbian and he lost the Force.

#5: Mike met the Virgin Mary in a fish.  She said "Um...er, hang on a mo, what was the question?" and he said "No thanks I've already got 3 wives."  He completely soaked her and they bought matching jumpers and rucksacks.

#6: Mr Tickle met Eleanor in a pint of beer. He said "Here's 10p, go and call home to tell them you'll not be back tonight."  She said "OK, since you put it so nicely."  Then they had a duel but gave up and had a solo instead, and had 6 (jelly) babies.

#7: Mike met Nia in 'my room' and he said, "I can't think of anything to do that's not X-rated." She said "Well no, but I like you anyway."  Then they went for a swim in the Cam, and vowed never to tell anyone about it.

#8: 'Ymerej' (=Jeremy for those who don't know) met Anna in a coffee pot and he said, "The word is legs. Let's go out and spread the word."  She said, "I find that really exciting."  They went to a ball but passed out by 1:00am, and as a result Dave had something to moan about.

#9: Alex met Eleanor outside a Maths lecture, and he said, "I smell." to which she replied "That's a totally pants chat-up line".  He demonstrated his weapon for her and Boots refused to develop the prints.

#10: Alex met Morag in a teapot and he said "Let'd go out and do what I'm going to tell my friends we spent all night doing anyway." She said, "Oh good, I like that."  They then took explicit photos of each other, and they all spent the night at Addenbrookes!

#11: Jeremy met Little Miss Naughty on the table in Christ's Formal Hall. He said "Incidentally, will you marry me?" She said, "Do I look like a lesbian?"  They spent hours gazing into each others eyes and scary cackly laughter was heard all over Cambridge (ahem).
 

#12: Jeremy met Flossie the Sheep in Trinity Hall P'Lodge. He said "I didn't know it was upside down", and she said "Why not! Because I'm worth it."  So they conserved body heat in a hailstorm and the result of their meeting was hastily adopted and the whole affair kept very quiet (nudge nudge, wink wink etc...)

#13: Anna's male alter ego met Jeremy's feminine side on The Titanic Mark II. He said, "Shouldn't you be wearing a slinky black number?"  She replied, "But I don't want to get wet."  So they took their revenge and they both got blisters.

#14: Mr Tickle met Dolly the Sheep II in a badly erected tent. He said "Let's do what they'll all say we did anyway", but she said "Not for all the sheep in Wales".  They drank Archers until the wee small hours, and as a result Anna was very irritated and savaged a duck.

#15: Christian (the prawn) met Zoë in 10 Downing St. He said "Have some more Archers, my dear!" She said "Not on your nellie."  So they kissed for hours & hours and she fell for him in a very grim manner...

#16: John Smith (sorry) met Nia in the White Hart Inn. He said "Do you need peaches to make it tropical?" She replied "Ooh baby, why not?"  So they climbed some trees and then they fell out of their tree.

#17: Nia met Eleanor in a Viking longboat on the Atlantic in a thunderstorm. He(?) said "I've got a new 2 man boat; would you like to crew for a trip around the world?"  She replied "Well when you put it like that, how can I refuse?"  So they went pineapple shopping and they tried to forget what happened.
 
 

#18: Alex met Anna in an impossible painting. I said "Let's dance" but she said "I'd just as soon kiss a wookie!"  So she slapped me in the face and my leg fell off.

#19: Joe met Anna on Route 66. He said "Want a Swedish blonde?" She said "I don't think that's very funny."  They ate all the pink wafers and none of them ever spoke to each other again.

#20: King Kong met Eleanor in a biscuit factory. He said "Come on over to my place!", but she replied "That's disgusting!"  So they played Tank Wars with real tanks, and he gave up on women and stuck to his lightsabre.

#21: Mike met Morag under Alex's table. He said "Wanna see my edible telephone?" She replied "...COME TO THE DRINKS PARTY... COME TO THE DRINKS PARTY..."  So she shot him with her crossbow, stabbed him with a knife and disembowelled him with a lightsabre, and they stayed good friends and went to ceilidhs together.

#22: Alex the Fish met Kate in a cosy tent in Wales. I said "Want some coffee?", and she replied "Fancy a hot dog?"  So we put on a new CD and my nose turned to jelly.

#23: Mike met Nia at a ballroom dancing class, doing the waltz. He said "Wiggle wiggle arg ugh thunk!" and she exclaimed "Ooh, that's really exciting!"  So they had a lightsabre fight with a complete stranger, and as a consquence the sun didn't rise.

#24: Alex met Kate in a college library. I said "Mine's longer than a lightsabre!", but her condition was "Only if you install a cool screen-saver for me..."  So we went rowing - I coxed and she rowed all on her own! - and we fled to Arran and lived happily ever after.

#25: Alex met Anne in the Garden of Eden. I asked "Do you want a really cool screensaver?", at which she cried "I have a rape alarm you know!"  So we levitated 10 feet above the Arts Tower in the moonlight, and the computer crashed in protest.

#26: Jeremy met Nia under the Cam. He said "Can I have some coooffffffeeeee?" so she replied "Meet my friend, the Singing Nun."  The huddled for warmth as the rain poured down and the campsite flooded, and so the word 'fish' had to be redefined.

#27: Mickey Mouse met Nia picking flowers. He asked "Do you fancy a stroll out to Grantchester discussing elastic-plastic deformations?", and she said "Well actually, I want to kill you."  He shrugged off his failure, and so green.

#28: Serge met Nia clowning around. He asked "Is it safe to come out yet?" and she replied "Well there's a suggestion I don't hear every day!"  So they went swimming in Emma pond, and she became a Wanted Criminal for undue brutality.

#29: Roy Clements met the Queen Mom in Hyde Park. He said "I can't remember where I put my bike", to which she replied "Do you want one of my socks?!"  So ...use your imagination..., and as a result Kt & Jud went off with their real friends and realised that everyone else was a figment of their imaginations.

#30: Mike met the younger, prettier version of the Queen on Wintalk. He said "Could I see your socks please", but she said "Um... er... no, I don't think so".  They danced exclusively with each other all night, and they got killed at the guillotine.

#31: The Masked Man met Jud outside 19 Malcolm St. He said "Get yer coat, luv - you've pulled", to which she quickly responded "Who's asking?"  So they wandered round behind curtains and the computer suffocated.

#32: Mike met Morag at a CICCU Bible Reading. He said "You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day."  Her witty riposte was "What view - everything's black!"  They produced enough power for 3 Skodas, and a new Bluffer's Guide was written.

#33: Alex met his sweetheart Anne in a bubble. I said "You can go out with me if you can darn socks", but she replied "Please don't - it'd make your hair fall out".  They thought of the 102^nd thing to do with an Eden welcome card, and they spent all night trying to get the whipped cream out.
[ed: I'll kill you guys for making me put this one on here!! *gr0wl* *wink*]

#34: Phil met Kt at a May Ball. He said "I apologise for my existence", but she replied "I prefer prawns actually". They walked to Timbuctoo, and so she was invited to lots of parties in 19 Malcolm St.

#35: Mike met Hazel under a seat in the Arts Cinema (it was a scary film). He asked "What's your favourite Jelly Baby?" but she said "Not tonight, my uncle's escaped again".  They went to a room with a diminishing air supply and they vowed never to mention it again.

#36: Serge met Jud in New Hall Dome. He said "My favourite hobby is studying eschatology", and she replied "Don't worry, it's not the end of the world". [groan]  They bought a fishtank, filled it with beer, put sardines in it and talked to them, and the consequence was the hamster died.

#37: Anne's male alter ego met Anna in a brewery. He said "Does CICCU provide free condoms?", to which she replied "That's the worst chat-up line I've ever heard".  They went along the prom for a tram ride and fish and chips, and so they ran out of popcorn, coffee and CICCU freebies.

#38: Serge met Morag in Room 1, 19 Malcolm St. He said "I've been to see Cod you know". She said "Are you the Masked Man? You are, aren't you?"  They 'were observed in her room together' and Jeremy couldn't go to bed that night.

#39: Overkill met Anne in Wonderland (with a fluffy bunny!) (shades of Sheila...)  He said "Darling, will you dance with me?" and she replied "You unsociable little wotsit."  They were locked out of B.R. together, and their socks disintegrated into a radioactive pile.

#40: Bilford the Toadstool met Nia halfway up a mountain. He said "I've forgotten my phone number, can I have yours?" but she replied "I would, but I'm all out of peanuts". So they got all their lexicographer friends to compile an Odd-Squad dictionary, and metaphors were never the same again.

#41: Serekei [bad Japanesation of Serge's name] met Morag in Asturia. He asked "Do you want to do the Time Warp?", and obviously in a similar mind she replied "Let's do the Timewarp again!"  She lost all her files and he was soooo apologetic, but they stayed good friends and often reminisced fondly about it.

#42: Alex met Nia on the Death Star. I said "Gsk-klip-flup-doh-doh-brick. Ikleck-sorry flub flub translatorio ekk bumf brokekokoken." Nia replied "Centennial finger and, er, prawn." We stopped drivelling and got on to more important things (nudge, wink)... and the world decided that spiking our drinks had been a bad idea.
 
 

#43: Mike met Tamsyn in a mud bath. He said "Can I make you giggle?". So they went on a muddy walk, threw frisbees and made friends with a hedgehog, then went to a seminar on fish, and the consequence was that Bob Clegg was talking to Morag and Anne yelled at Alex and I am confused and gave Anna an empty crisp packet and Jud's pencil is so cool, it's green! and coffee doesn't seem to be available.
        [Can anyone guess which part of this Anne wrote??]

#44: Alex met Giggles when our parachutes got tangled together at 14 000 feet. I said "I think I'm going to kill myself" and she responded "Oh no! I'm going to be all on my own... <sob> <sob>..." They pottered towards the sunrise and shared a worm for breakfast, and so all the girls had to buy new underwear...

#45: Alan met FuzzyPeggy climbing a fish. He said "Swim fishy swim, and be saved by being caught in a net, oh bum I am confused and not very good at this preaching lark." She said "Yes" and did a shark grin. So they covered her in fish, and so several people got covered in fish.

#46: Mike met FuzzyPeggy when she turned up to the wrong 'godly' seminar. He said "No", so she replied "What? In that?" They went shopping in John Lewis and John Allister was there, and so in consequence the whole Odd Squad tried to persuade them to marry.

#47: The Man In The Moon met Tamsyn (for the umpteenth time!) under a starlit sky. He said "Pink + Blue will be the next President of the United Spam of America!" She said nothing, just covered her eye with a paw coyly... So they wrote a book called "Godly Paranoia", and they were the last pair standing up when people were told to stand up until the time they went to bed was called out.
 
 

#48: Matthew Wakeling met Tamsyn at a Burns' night supper. He said "Ooo arrr... where's me combine 'arvester to?", but she had to reply "But... I only like men in kilts." So they scuppered a punt in the Cam, and no birds flew underwater that night, although fish were spotted on Mount Everest by two bemused goats and a lost camel.

#49: Anne Harrison met Anne's (wahaha, haha, haha ha) male alter ego when they were rated as "Perfect Match" by a computer dating agency. He said "Mooo!", to which she replied "It drives me wild when you speak French, my darling"... They went on a long walk and lost track of the time, ending up in John O'Groats, and as a result Matthew's 11 neighbours sat on a huge haggis!

#50: Ed Overkill met Kate Winslet over a nice toasty lightsabre... He said "I haven't got enough appendages to hold all my weapons!", to which her reply was "What? I didn't understand a word of that!" So they ate a green jellybaby which was a little on the manky side, and consequently the porters chucked them out and they had to invade Tamsyn's room, with a very loud Tamsyn noise from T.!

#51: Mike the Brick met Nia when he said "Excuse me, I think you're sitting on my hedgehog." He said "I hate that dress you're wearing, it makes you look so fat", so understandably she shot back "Oh really?!" The sound of many bagpipes filled the air, and so she said "Gug" and he said "Fish" and so the gugfish lived happily ever after...

#52: Shan met Nia in Cambridge Marketplace. He said "G'day mate, you seem a fine looking Sheila", so she screamed "Nonono you're a great big assassin, gonna kill me gonna kill me gonna kill me!" They spent hours discussing the complex connection between haggis and fish, and so he had to be carried back and have coffee forced down his throat.

#53: Serge met Tamsyn in the paper tray of a printer in the Mond room. He said "Honey I love you... fish." She replied "My sister sat on my teletubby and squished it to death!" They stared at each other for a while, daggers drawn, each trying to work out whether he was a target, and the consequence [has been deleted].
 

#54: The amoeba-like Dalai Lama met scary Sarah on a benevolent mountain.  He said "That's a funky purple shirt!", to which her reply was "Oh don't worry, I have several more!"  So they wrapped each other in Spammers' green toilet paper, and they rode bikes driven by Cams.

#55: Shan met Morag when his rowing boat crashed through hers.  He said "Top Tip for the day: don't leave chocolate spread in the sun, or it'll turn into chocolate sauce!"  Morag asked "How long will that take?"  So they had a water fight in Tamsyn's room, and Jelly Babies launched a salvage operation to float Spamsyn's sunken bike from the Cam.

#56: Hairy Shan met womanly Spamsyn in Tamsyn's cello case. [ed: how come Tamsyn comes up in so many of these?!] He asked "Do you like chocolate spread?", but she replied "But I don't have any pyjamas."  They dyed their hair purple with orange polka dots, and life went on in a very circular manner.

#57: Mike met Nia's sunflower Giggles in Chris' washbag. He said "Did you see that aardvark that just ran past me?", and Giggles' apt reply was "You're pants".  They died.  Well, actually they sprayed each other with water, but it's the same sort of thing really.  Then they discovered that NASA had classified the fact that a comet larger than Wales was about to hit the Earth.  They had 0.76s to think about the consequences.

#58: Chris' teddy bear met Miss Stevenson [a CU rep who's recently dyed her hair] up high apple pie in the sky. Sort of. Okay, it was in a plane.  He said "Who did that to your hair?!", to which she angrily responded "You're soooo ruuuude! Duuuuh!"  They went for a midight walk but held hands to keep warm, and as a result they dyed their hair "burnt apricot" and complained that they were ginger.
 
 

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