The Third Page Of CLASSIC QUOTES

by the Odd Squad and assorted others

"If language is about imparting meaning, why do people spend most of their time spouting utter nonsense?"
  - Claire Bowern

See also:

* defining (very characteristic) quotes * anti-defining (uncharacteristic) quotes *
* michaelmas term 2000 * summer holiday * easter term 2000 * pre-term * word alive * easter holidays * lent term 2000 * ciccu houseparty * before term * millenium houseparty * the perfect woman (29.12.99) *



-*- defining (very characteristic) quotes -*-

-------------------
all of us: 19.2.01 mpj23: They have a very good grip on reality, it's just a rather different grip to everyone else
all of us: 16.1.01 acr33: We've got no social life without email!
all of us: 8.12.00 gaec2: We've filled three and a half screens with quotes today, and we've not even had dessert
all of us: 6.10.00 mag32: We all work in the day and do weird things at night
-------------------
gaec2: 10.6.01 mpj23: Alex is laughing the "I'm going to quote this" laugh
gaec2: 21.4.01 jjb37: Alex is 85% jellybabies, 4% maths and 11% other things
gaec2: 20.3.01 acr33: Bang, crash - Alex arrives
gaec2: 4.3.01 mag32: Most people aren't like Alex - Alex is rather weird
gaec2: 20.1.01 gaec2: 2 to the 14 times 3 to the 5 times 5 to the 2 times 7 to the 1! Excellent!!
gaec2: 15.11.00 mpj23: Alex, please don't break my room
gaec2: 29.10.00 gaec2: [looks round in bewilderment] What? Which bit of that do I quote?!
  - mpj23 & acr33 [simultaneously]: Quote!
gaec2: 10.10.00 gaec2: Every now and then I catch myself saying things that just don't make sense
gaec2: 22.1.00 gaec2: Restrain bouncing. Focus on Galois theory.
  [5 seconds later] ...Yuk...
gaec2: earlier sl236: Alex has a big red jellybaby
 - elb30: Alex has serious problems
 - sl236: He also has a big red jellybaby
-------------------
sl236: 27.5.01 dgs26: The only thing Sergei has to learn about cooking is not to tell people what it was meant to be
sl236: 17.2.01 sl236: You haven't lived until you've reinstalled a partition table with paper and pencil
sl236: 10.10.00 sl236: Oh wonderful, glorious software!
sl236: 29.12.99 sl236: No such thing as... enough computers...
sl236: 9.10.99 sl236: [disappointed voice]  It was weak espresso, and it was only a triple...
sl236: winter '98 [The original defining quote!]
sl236: Sleep patterns can be arranged
-------------------
acr33: 20.3.01 acr33: This is great - I can reach multiple Bibles without even getting up
acr33: 31.12.00 acr33: Has anyone seen a big rainbow lying around here?
acr33: 31.10.99 sl236: Anyone want to do the coffee and cakes?
  - acr33: [brightens up] I'll do the cakes!
acr33: 22.10.99 acr33: I can't be a lawyer, a compsci and a theologian!
  - mag32 & gaec2: Yes you can!
  - acr33: Not if I'm not good enough at any of them!
-------------------
mag32: 13.12.99 mag32: I'm not that good at getting up
mag32: 12.12.99 mag32: I don't want to move. I've got a doodle on my mind
mag32: 22.9.99 mag32: Boing boing death
-------------------
mpj23: 8.6.01 mpj23: Normally my good ideas are associated with the type of "What shall I cook today?"
mpj23: 20.05.01 mpj23: I can't even langle the manguage properly!
mpj23: 22.1.00 mpj23: Whoops - I got a coffee stain on my revision!
mpj23: earlier mpj23: I reserve the right to adjust the language as I see fit
-------------------
akh23: 18.9.99 acr33: You need to look at individuals' contributions to the group
  - akh23: I contribute by general noisiness!
akh23: 18.9.99 akh23: I'm audible wherever I go
akh23: earlier akh23: I'm good at talking
akh23: earlier akh23: I don't do words
-------------------
jsn23: 18.3.01 jsn23: For some reason all the most incriminating photos always happen to me...
jsn23: 11.3.01 jsn23: I've never seen a film make mass murdering and erotic sex so funny
jsn23: 2.1.01 mpj23: I should avoid the word "big" when Nagi's readng any book about genitalia, should I?
-------------------
rja29: 14.3.01 brsm2: You're almost as psychotic as the PFY!
-------------------
nre20: 11.11.00 nre20: I don't have any problem with eating lots of chocolate
-------------------
jmdp2: 24.2.01 jmdp2: You mean there's life beyond bacteria?
jmdp2: earlier jmdp2: I avoid thoughts at all costs
-------------------
elle: earlier elle: I'm Morag's sister so I have a right to be bizarre
-------------------
rjh61: 21.5.01 rjh61: She's a methodist, she doesn't have any doctrine!
rjh61: 10.4.01 rjh61: I can't say no - I'm a theological tart!
rjh61: 14.4.00 rjh61: You aren't expecting me to approve of something, are you?
-------------------
keb31: earlier keb31: Quote me as saying I was misquoted
-------------------
awr25: 15.2.00 awr25: Teddies are extremely streetwise
-------------------
pjs35: earlier hazel: [blindfolded, touching pjs35]Who's that?
 - pjs35: [hopeful voice]A nice person...?
-------------------
jjb37: earlier jjb37: I do say real things sometimes
-------------------
zcl21: earlier mpj23: Zoë is sufficiently scary that I'll shout if I think it'll avoid her coming and being scary at me
-------------------
tseg2: earlier tseg2: Everyone thinks I'm completely mad
tseg2: earlier tseg2: It's so nice to be able to say SPAM! without people thinking you're strange
-------------------
ant66: 6.2.00 ant66: If it's green, I can probably find a use for it
-------------------
BAIT: 13.12.99 sl236: I'm a member of BAIT - if it's not dodgy, I'll make it dodgy
-------------------
lk212: earlier lk212: I don't whinge, I complain in a charming fashion
-------------------
hazel: earlier hazel: Has anyone noticed that girls never shut up?
-------------------
jca24: 9.10.99 mpj23: As if John [Allister] would refuse food!
  - jca24: I think I did once, actually...
-------------------
sfcd2: earlier sfcd2: We do this to teach balance and coordination and bleurblelurgh
-------------------


-*- anti-defining (uncharacteristic) quotes -*-

acr33: 16.5.00 - People don't walk around with spikes on their heads
sl236: 6.5.00 - I'm really not in a coffee mood
3.6.00 - There are altogether too many wires around
gaec2: 28.4.00 - No, that would be too silly
jsn23: 23.4.01 - Only a real man plays Ludo
jsn23: 30.5.00 - gaec2: He looks cool, anyway
  - jsn23: That's 'cause he looks like you!


most recent at top each day
[W] = Worms quote, [D] = Defining (very characteristic) quote


-*- michaelmas term 2000 -*-


Mon 30.10
awr25: Are you implying God didn't make Denmark?
acr33: Anybody sitting on the milk by accident?
jjb37: Mike said, "Of course I know the Pope - I've had theological debates with him on ICQ!"
sl236: Maybe I should try getting stuck on a train
mnw21: I only see him once I week!

Sun 29.10 (Angela's Birthday)
mag32: I think you've got a right to ask your neighbour to stop firing rockets at your house
[Misheard by gaec2] acr33: I want cheese painting
  ( I want to show you this painting )
sl236: Oh, sorry, I interrupted...
  - mpj23: No you didn't - you didn't say anything!!
  - rja29: Yes, he did interrupt - he said "Oh, sorry, I interrupted..."
acr33: "Excuse me, can I have my raised eyebrow back, please?" "Oh, it's a little deflated now, I hope you don't mind..."
acr33: Have you grown, Alex?
  - gaec2: Frequently!
acr33: Do you think God says "Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh..."?
mag32: Serge was brought up as a one-year-old... [pauses, adopts puzzled expression at what she just said]
[D] gaec2: [looks round in bewilderment] What? Which bit of that do I quote?!
  - mpj23 & acr33 [simultaneously]: Quote!
acr33: Morag, you haven't eaten all the sweets in Gwydir St, have you?
  - mag32: [cute sad face] Why would you think I might have eaten them all?
  - acr33: Because you have before.
  - [mag32 snickers and cracks up]
  - [ [ spot the pun: snickers/sweets ] ]
acr33: Mike had a bit of an accident with "drastically" earlier
acr33: I don't think they said "Hmm, let's have a look at your doctrinal basis... yes, we're going to burn you now!"
sl236: Never, ever, try to teach a feline logic.
[Misheard by acr33] mpj23: Remind me not to drink the phone
  ( Remind me not to drink the foam )
  [ - mpj23: I wish I had said that now ]
mag32: We are already ginormously in debt due to a giant red pepper, currently sitting outside in the garage
mag32: What's gorgonzola?
  - mpj23: Blue cheese.
  - gaec2: Very, very blue cheese.
  - acr33: Reeaally sad, depressed and suicidal cheese!
acr33: I once took a bomb to a supervision and it went off...
acr33: Waaah! I'm squashed between two punmeisters... in a giant - red - pepper!
gaec2: So given that this is me, and that time is infinite, and the universe is also infinite -
  - mpj23: You want some toast?
acr33: I don't want to walk around in my foot!
gaec2: I shall strap your wet shoe to my foot rather than have you walk around in a damp shoe...
gaec2: Untappity-tap tap tap tap tap tap
acr33: I'll bite your legs off, really hard.
ea212: I'm eating up my textbooks at the moment
ea212: I tried riding [the bicycle], but crashed into the Grafton Centre
gaec2: Angela, Thomas the Tank Engine nearly just drove up your leg
sl236: I know where the floppy drive for dreaming is
acr33: You can't start having babies - your tummy will come undone
ruth: Who told me I had a dodgy look?
  - mpj23: It wasn't me, but it should have been

Sat 28.10
rja29: We're lost
  - acr33: No, we're mislaid
  - rja29 [mock-affronted]: Nobody's been laying *me*!
mag32: The wall just ate that car!
mpj23: Angela's not an extreme liberal
  - acr33: I might be... I might be in a cupboard... no - a closet!
sl236: My heart just dropped out
gaec2: I was wondering why Serge had an open grave on a road
acr33 to gaec2: You look like Bananaman without the banana

Fri 27.10
pjt33: You've got Kevlar tyres?! Why, do people regularly fire bullets at your wheels??
  - bjs27: Oh, they can get quite vicious down in Cornwall...
acr33: Have some fun. Have some fellowship. Have some pizza!
acr33: A barn dance sounds appetising. Hmm, an edible barn dance...

Thu 26.10
brian: Red and green, mixed together, makes yellow
  - acr33: In light, I suppose
  - brian: No, in pepper. In the pepper spectrum.
gaec2: I think these cubes are getting into the fashion statement of keeping a green cube in their top pocket
christine: We need a building, don't we.
  - acr33: To put curry in?!
kenton: I'm sure there's something about green peppers in the Cambridge University regulations somewhere
kate gane: Ding, ding.
  - steve gane: But I haven't got a bell-rope!
  - kate gane [giggles]: Ding, ding.
  - steve gane: But I haven't got a bell-rope!
  - kate gane: Ding, ding.
  - steve gane [sighing]: But I haven't got a bell-rope!!!

Wed 25.10
aviator (brian): Here's a handy hint for tonight: always carry a green pepper in your top pocket [produces green pepper from top pocket]
aviator: Trifle with herring juice and blood doesn't taste too good
sl236: Hey tickle nonny
mpj23: Yeah but we're not being thrown into the candle.
[Misheard by sl236]: acr33: Go and sit in the corner with a big cat on
  ( Go and sit in the corner with a big hat on )
sl236: Have you seen Mike's sausages?
  - acr33: They don't swim...
  - mpj23: How do you know?
sl236: You can lead an Alex to coffee, but you can't make him drink.
acr33: Looks like I need synthesising.
acr33: In the Evangelical church as a whole, there are more women than men
  - lej25: Yeah I know - when you try to pull a Christian bloke, there are none about, are there?
gaec2: [claps] It's cylindrical polar co-ordinates! They can get anywhere in space!
  - acr33: [steady withering look] It's a crane.

Tue 24.10
gaec2: Hey, Mum, we've got a handle!
saj24: Falling off the ground is just plain embarrassing
acr33: I'll give you Don McLeene & his mooshrooms!

Mon 23.10
mag32: I have 30m of ethernet cable round my neck! :) :)
acr33: I have my coffee unadorned - I don't go putting any random drugs in it, especially purposes.
gaec2: Utena?
  - acr33: It's not that simple. Not that simple at all.

Sun 22.10
sl236: Everybody's invited - all 6 billion of them!
  - acr33: But if there's too many of them, they'll have to go on the balcony
sl236: The telly eats videos casettes! Moohaha!
  - mag32: Well, in this case the video cassette eats the telly...
acr33 to sl236: You say that in an evil overlord type voice: "I like prawn crackers. Moohaha. I shall steal the world's prawn crackers - and make prawn toasts. Moohaha."
acr33: It's useful: Morag has a bascket and I have a barsket

Sat 21.10
acr33: Unfortunately I'm really fairly sane. It's a bit of a shame, really...
acr33: I've only taken out one earring. I'd better take the other out or I'll get very confused and think I've only got one ear.
  - [takes out earring]
  - Ah good. Now I'm not confused; I'm certain I've got no ears.
acr33 to mag32: Sorry, I should get used to you being Alex
mag32 to sl236: You're cute
  - sl236 [dejected tone]: Yes, but I don't look like a girl
mag32: Everyone should be infested by cats
mnw21: I hasten to add, "Humph!"
gaec2: Who's ringing me?
  - acr33: Your phone
gaec2: Oh, I have an alien in my bag!
  - [throws it at acr33]
  - acr33: Don't throw aliens at me!
acr33 to gaec2: No - not death by Systematic Theology! [ask gaec2 or acr33 for context]

Fri 20.10
acr33 to gaec2- You're like a cow.
  - gaec2 [mock-affronted]: Why thank you, my dear!?!
  - acr33: No, I mean in the nicest... cow-y... sort of way...
gaec2: What did you want to talk to me about my violet Pembroke seas about?
nsg27: I wouldn't mind praying for curry
gaec2: Oh, interesting - your paperclip's curled up asleep

Thu 19.10
jjb37: I can tell what you're listening to, just by listening to it!
acr33: I can't do anything without my Wotsit.

Wed 18.10
acr33: I'm recurring! Waah!
acr33: The first guy we met kept having puppies. Well, not the *guy*...
acr33: A Batmobile would be fun!
  - mag32: Not to park in Cambridge...
acr33.333333: But I like calling Serge "Serge-sensei-kun-i-ness!"
acr33: I'm finding you an inspiring example, so stop interrupting me and let me find you inspiring!
mag32: Interrupt. It's what a computer does when you press a key - it stops doing what it's doing and does what you tell it. Unless it's my computer, in which case it ignores me...
mag32: Anne's thinking of changing colour again
acr33: [indicates CD playing] I can't talk seriously to that!
  - mpj23: I wouldn't be expecting you to talk seriously to my CD player
mpj23: Oysters are great at coming up with unusual song themes
sl236: Another day, another carpet
awr25: It's a lot easier to see F=ma than to see E=mc^2
acr33 to gaec2: You've indoctrinated yourself! Where did I put my other Bible?
acr33: I've got it - they're the unbelieving fruit!

Tue 17.10
aethd2: Can somebody please build a dam!
gaec2: Where is he?
  - acr33: In a pub!
  - ooo20: Where every good Christian should... be...
acr33: [Alex] needs someone to keep an eye on
mpj23: [Today's lecturer quote] was from Dr Ley, not Dr Wright, surprisingly. Well, it wasn't that surprising given I didn't have a lecture by Dr Wright today...

Mon 16.10
mpj23: Is the coffee option open?
  - acr33: Only if you don't mind blue coffee
jsn23: You must know the American one [national anthem]
  - gaec2: No? Go on, you do it...
  - jsn23: *sings* By the dawn's early light... [falters] er... da da daa daa daa daaaaa...
gaec2: Oh, buzzard doesn't begin with A does it?
awr25: I'm drinking it out of the glass - at least let me do it my way!
jsn23: There's a reason why we cycle that way up!
acr33: Will this fit under the chair? No. How inconvenient! Will it fit if I chop it into pieces? Yes, but it would have the slight disadvantage of being chopped into pieces. Ggrr!

Sun 15.10 (Amanda's church students lunch)
mag32: I am one with the chair! I am a black mass with blue socks!
sl236: Have you ever melted a hosepipe?
  - mpj23: Is that quotable? *grin*
  - sl236: No, not really, it's just... funky! You hold it over a candle and little drops of melted plastic just drop from it
mpj23 [producing a CD from bag]: Much C-ness of D!
  - rja29: Much C-ness of D? Did you want to emphasise the compactness of the disc? But MiniDiscs are even smaller!
  - gaec2: But they don't begin with C.
stuart page: You're really pleased to see me, aren't you?
  - gaec2: Sufficiently pleased that somethig black and plasticky is poking out of your pocket...
acr33: People say some very strange things when you're not listening

Sat 14.10 (Jud's huge 21st)
acr33 [entreating]: Pwease? Oh, pwease? With vinegar and chips?
mag32: Stop being so thoughtful!
acr33 to gaec2: You've been selling me rubbery shubberies!
sl236: I think the chimney's fine, by the way
  - acr33: Chinese farm? Is that where you grow Chinese people?
[caption to photo 5:7] mrn21: So, what are you drinking today?
aks27: Wearing quarter of a kilt wouldn't be a very good idea
gaec2 to acr33: What are you looking for?
  - acr33: My ears. ..No!
gaec2: Unfortunately in 4th year Maths we don't get "Historic Jesus" lectures
mpj23 to akh23: Feel free to enjoy yourself, if you enjoy having a pepper-pot with ballons tied to it on your head [visual evidence suggests akh23 does indeed enjoy this{
gaec2: It's quite hard to use earrings to cook sauce in
gaec2: We have two mouths
acr33: Most people are - um - a lot of people are someone's dad.
  - akh23: I'm not!
acr33: I have so much pasta that I could go to bed in it, if I wanted to... not sleep.

Fri 13.10 (Spanish Inquisition UL Hide&Seek)
acr33 to rja29: I think it was really off to make your wife have a sex change after five years [ask gaec2 for context...]
rja29: Does Serge grow wings and fly away? - all: Maybe!
sl236: What would happen if CB1 was travelling across the date-line?
gaec2: Much sar niness of casticisity. [sarcastic]
gaec2: Much scrubbing of nignigness
mpj23: You have a bit of paper, with some dots on it in a vaguely ordered pattern...
  - rja29: Awww - that's cute!
gaec2 [describing video scene]: They were gazing romantically at each other, until she suddenly did an evil look and whipped out a huge hammer and started bashing him with it.
  - sl236: I know that feeling...
gaec2: You will not use my shirt as a drying towel!
sml30: I'm mercilessly having chocolate thrown at me!
  - rja29: That's a contradiction in terms
arm1: I'm going to drive off at 4:30 today.
  - arm2: Why?
  - arm1: I've got things to do, people to see...
  - arm2: ...pedestrians to kill...
lcp24: Meh!
acr33: Shelfs are quite common things
grs27: I'm looking forward to fear and loathing
acr33: It's scary how many years of their lives people must waste away in this place [University Library]
  - rho21: Yeah - looking for the exit!

Thu 12.10.00
jeremy kutner: I read once of a preacher who was converted by his own sermon
gaec2: It wouldn't make much sense if I said that wasn't the metaphor I'd have chosen for my last sergemedium amendments...
  - acr33: Yes it would! I'd understand it, anyway...
acr33: I think in *normal* people terms
  - mpj23: Angela, what normal people keep 16 invisible goats on their balcony?
gaec2: Much inversion of digestive biscuit.
  - mpj23: Much digestive inversion biscuit-ness of... of- of- of-
  - gaec2: You've run out of nouns!
acr33: I was thinking a flexible friend was a phone
acr33: Elementary, my dear Mike-kun

Wed 11.10.00
gaec2: I guess that'd be a unisex virgin then

Tue 10.10.00
gaec2: I'm wondering whether to jump to an alien, or finish this one first
sl236: You can come round as long as you bring a piece of coal with you
gaec2 to mag32: I don't know why I just turned into you...
[D] gaec2: Every now and then I catch myself saying things that just don't make sense
mpj23: [reading side of Coke bottle] "Please recycle PET"
acr33: Mi estomago es amarillo ["My stomach is yellow"]
  - mpj23: So this is an answer to the question "do you want some vanilla coffee", then?
  - acr33: Yes!
  - mpj23: Well, excuse me for being boring and sane and not knowing...
[D] sl236: Oh wonderful, glorious software!
acr33 to mpj23: Are you insulting the intelligence of a piece of string!
acr33: I now have enough snacks for...
  - gaec2: A small army?
  - acr33: I *am* a small army.
lucy: Would you lose your faith from studying Law?
  - acr33: Yes, probably, but you'd lose your sanity first!

Sun 8.10.00
acr33 to sl236: Die in pain and agony!
  - mag32: Not "die on top of me going 'mmm-mmm-mmm'... "
mag32: Punning takes a lot of strain out of you
acr33: You can tell he's enjoying it when you see the glee in his eyes with which he glees back at you
mpj23: The pun pot's Hungary? Do you want to Czech that?
mpj23: I've got a big foot address...
gaec2: What was the date on the 22nd of January this year?
  - mpj23 & mag32 [unplanned, in unison]: 22nd of January
sl236: [muttering to self ruefully] That's right, toes have toenails, not fingernails..
acr33: I don't think armies mind being drowned, in porn
mpj23: Come here now or the food gets it, where "it" = "cold"
sl236: We could get Nagi in, and hire out his belly

Sat 7.10.00
acr33: Do you want some potato salad?
  - sl236: What's it got in it?
mag32: I shall breed my own bacteria to write an OS for me!
nre20: You could just put a fridge inside your T-shirt
djr36: If you spot a David without a Zoe, you simply have to eat some Battenburg, don't you?
[Matt&Anne's Birthday Speech] akh23: I...
  - mnw21: Am..
  - akh23: A...
  - mnw21: Pancake!
mpj23: There's no party permit! Out!
  - mag32: But there's a shelf...
mpj23: Well if you lived off dogfood, wouldn't you be flat?
acr33: Who's that arriving in a car?
  - mag32: No, it's Matt ringing the bells
sl236: Humanity wins! Mankind One - Table Nil!
[W] zcl21: Does your computer use female logic?
  - mag32: Um - yes. I don't know what it'd do outside Cambridge.
  - acr33: Yes, it might not do anything but it'd know it was right!
mag32: Rob's fitting in just fine!
  - mnw21: Forcibly!
acr33: We just chop up desks for fun
mpj23: Where am I supposed to plant my beans? Under the hippo?

Fri 6.10.00
rjs1: So, what's _your_ name then?
  - akh23 [subdued]: It's anne h at the moment but it used to be bananas and grapes and pears...
[D group] mag32: We all work in the day and do weird things at night
mpj23: Matt's conjugating the verb "to remove one's foot from one's mouth" now
  - mag32: This was predictable, I suppose
mpj23 [looking at 19 videos of "Marmalade Boy"]: We could start a jam factory, couldn't we?
acr33: How can you have a technical linguistic discussion about pigeons?
mpj23: A canned meal is where you open a can of chilli con carne rather than cooking it yourself from first principles [- acr33: What's that, killing the cow yourself?]
mag32: I'm not a compsci, I'm a biologist!
  - mpj23: Morag, you have 4 computers in your room and you're doing a Diploma in Computer Science.
  - mag32: I do not! I have 3 in my room and one in the living room *glare*
  - [a day later] mag32: There is no O.S. to suit me - I shall write my own.
acr33: Why is there a lawnmower in here [Morag's living room]?
  - gaec2: Cos it's that kind of room

Thu 5.10.00
acr33: First you turn my underwear green, and now this?
[M] sl236: In response to you drawing a card, I shall get in the way!
sl236: After midnight, I might turn into a bloke?
jsn23: Quantum Theory was the least stressful thing I did today
akh23: This is Dumbleton, a first year dumpling from New Hall
acr33: There's a sheep ringing in my bedroom!
[W] acr33 [describing a messy gaec2]: Peanut butter chops!
  - gaec2: Not unless it's very strange peanut butter, it doesn't...

Wed 4.10.00
gaec2: And here was me hoping I had genetic mascara
akh22: Do you think mistaking you for a room means I'll do well in theoretical concepts in physics?
gaec2: So I shut the cap to stop Lorraine acccidentally ending up in my bike lock?

Tue 3.10.00
jek25: I'm leading a double life - [whispers] I'm a closet Catholic
acr33: He's nicked the basket that's exploiting poor Korean people
ahi22: Are you a Christian?
  - gaec2: Yes.
  - ahi22: And have you always been a Christian?
  - gaec2 [vehementiy]: No, never!
acr33 to gaec2: My DOS is more normal than yours; mine is a big fluffy teddy-bear
gaec2: Okey-dokey!
  - spivack: Yes, okay. But don't call me Dokey.
spivack: Inside every calculus book is somebody trying to get out
spivack: An "Adviser" is somebody who sees you once or twice a term, and... ... ...
  - gaec2: And... says hello?
  - spivack: Yes. But they say hello in a serious way.

Mon 2.10.00
mpj23: I'm trying to think when I'm not slightly wackier than usual
susan: Is £24 a lot?
  - rja29: It's a lot for an icecream
mpj23: The world is our teapot [proposed motto for the Christian international café]
dave: A fridge is just a gas turbine. Without a... turbine.
  - aethd2: And it doesn't run on gas.
acr33: There's too much to remember! And I don't have a diary, so my brain has to do it. And I don't have a brain, so they just rattle around in a big hole!
gaec2: Irrational things don't recur or stop - acr33: *I* recur or stop!

Sun 1.10
gaec2: 'Scuse me all, can I actually come through?
  - mag32: No! I've only got two plug sockets
mpj23: Several hornets decided they wanted to learn about the Bible too
acr33 to gaec2: Remember your impartiality, or I'll steal your cheese
acr33 to gaec2: I dare you to say something negative sometime
mag32: Matthew and I were rather forceful
  - mnw21: Were we?
  - mag32: Yes...!

-*- summer holiday -*-


Mon 25.9
mag32: Like the plural of wizard is war [Terry Pratchett], the plural of car is queue...
gaec2: You have pyjamas in your fridge, Angela
gaec2: I was thinking of myself as having ultimate power
mag32: Serge-kun, you put your fingers in my tea!!
  - sl236: You know this happens every time I try to hug you
mag32: I do like the idea of buying up 6AR and using it as a student rehabilitation programme
  - gaec2: I heard that as "the idea of *blowing* up 6AR..."
  - mag32: I'd really rather you didn't. So would Angela, I suspect- in fact, I rather think so would Robinson College
  - sl236: A rather drastic student rehabilitation programme!

Sun 24.9
acr33: How many peple can you get on a bed without permanently crippling one of them?
acr33: I wouldn't mind being cooked by you guys
acr33: I like that thing in Russia with the things
  - mag32: Serge, you mean?
  - acr33: No, Serge doesn't have green and blue bobbly bits on!
random london underground rider: All you have to do is not ride camels
gaec2: More to the point, how can you have a train with the power of voodoo?

Sat 23.9
gaec2: Much leave-alone-and-let-me-go-to-sleep-ness!
  - mpj23: I imagine the English language could say the same to you
mpj23: Angela, what are you doing?
  - acr33: I'm strangling a Mike
  - mpj23: Well then you'll sleep in a squashed wasp all night
acr33: If you did want to hide cheese under the bed, I wouldn't hide Stilton
acr33: My children will be taught to blow their noses at all times
gaec2: When the plants get tired they go and stretch in the plant-pot tree hammock
acr33: Serge is everybody!
acr33: Don't be nasty to Morag, or I'll bubble you up! I'll bubble your legs off!
ant66: How'd'you swallow a dragon when you're dead?

Fri 22.9
acr33 to gaec2: You have been kissed by a Juggernaut!
acr33: There should be a different noun for hangglider and hangglider, really!
chris jeggo: I've just squirted red wine in the peg bag
mag32: I haven't tried carrying Serge through the London Underground
mag32: I'm seeing a terrorist mouse in a bikini now
acr33: When I need some clothes I'll sit down and make myself a pair of trousers out of basic lands

Wed 20.9:
chris to claire: What are you doing to my hairs?
  - david: She's doing what women always do to men's hairs - pulling them out one by one with tweezers!
vijay: Focus on something - like that pink elephant

Mon 18.9
gaec2. I shall be expecting a high Haddock quotient from you
  - mpj23: We shall have to deceive you and send you herrings instead

Sat 16.9
acr33: I left it at yours, forgetting, of course, that I hadn't remembered it

Fri 15.9
sl236: ...there was me and another girl...

Wed 13.9
gaec2: Who's the prayer meeting with?
  - helen rayner: The church and God!
  - audrey: Has anyone told God he's got to be up early?

Tue 12.9
rich: Jon gave birth to 24 guppies

Sun 10.9
lep: We decided you're not suitable for the job. You haven't got enough Zebras.

Sat 9.9
acr33: Even my pen won't stay on my head - what is the world coming to?

Fri 8.9
acr33: Scrub no nignigs in my presence!
gaec2: I don't like my life being part pink. [M]
acr33: Elephants are evil.
  - ant66: Some of my best friends are elephants!
ant66 to acr33: Your tornado's got a hole in it! [M]
acr33: Three giant sharks. And a partridge in a pear treeeee...[M]
ant66: There are a lot of car toilets that people have made up
awr25: Trust a compsci to alter the laws of pseudo-physics...

7.9
dad: Eat more fingers!
mum: Please don't start stirring with your feet!

4.9
mum: Dad sometimes finds you a little eccentric.
  - dad: Here, son, I've found this little eccentric here!
mpj23: Be thankful, or else! Be thankful, or the phonebook gets it!
susan to gaec2: I wouldn't want to beat you up!
  - ant66: No, she just wants to clap your chest. ..

3.9
gaec2 to susan: Stop putting your screwdriver in my ear!
  - ant66: How many times have I heard that...
ant66: He's such an edible dog
trudi to peter: You've got more legs than me
ant66: I wake up...
  - gaec2: I feel just fine.
  - ant66: Your face...
  - james: Breaks my spine.

1.9
gaec2: Me and my brother both stuffed myself

29.8
acr33: I can make a croaking noise appropriating a frog. With toothache.
[M] ant66: That's a rod chasing some gypsies back and forth along an interdimensional warp

28.8
acr33 to sl236 & mpj23: You've got no cytoplasm! Ner, ner ner ner ner!
gaec2: Yes, I need milking. - No, leave my tummy alone!!
sl236: Coffee and shower? Shower of coffee!

27.8
gaec2: I'm going to do an impression of a weatherman... "And so here we have an outbreak of curly hair... here we have a cute face missing its normal glasses... here we have some more curly hair, in fact there's a large band of curly hair visible across the whole area... I have 14 mana, I'm not going to use it... and I'm going to hand you over to Mike... in the studio."
mag32: Urble is a good colour, but I don't have it on my pencil, so you'll have to put up with light blue
sl236 re ant66: I could fold him up and keep him as a souvenir in my wardrobe? ...If I start with the ears...
acr33: Can you imagine Pteppic coming out in yellow spots
gaec2: You haven't looked under my armpits - you might find another cheek there.

26.8
sl236: I'm a big real person! [falls over]
mpj23: Which Mr Man is a hallucinogenic substance?
acr33: Is there an author called Rabbit Hole?
acr33: I can't read backwards through a piece of paper falling onto my nose
acr33: Am I a vegetable?
  - gaec2: No.
  - acr33: Awww, I always wanted to be a vegetable...
mpj23: Why is the corpse of the towel on my bed?
gaec2: They've got a flat and one and a half kids
sl236: I'd get a nice musical tone from around my belly-button
  - a phone call
ant66: I would love to compliment you on the brilliance of your logic. but you're wrong.
gaec2: Brown is not a colour
sl236: Did you know that switching the light off was a form of remote tickling?

25.8
mpj23: I nver knew St Francis of Assissi had a pharmacy, let alone more than one
mpj23: Clumps are trubs
acr33: I don't like this game - it keeps reversing, like a broken car
acr33: I think I ought to know the two people I'm going out with
acr33: I will stare at you in a fairly nasty but still friendly manner
acr33: I don't give a cumin seed
ant66: You can't say that, it makes sense!
gaec2: Try looking under the sofa - that's where I usually lose my weekend

20.8
acr33: What time does Woking?

19.8
mag32: I do know what I mean really
  - acr33: Oh? What do you mean?
  - mag32: I'm not sure
gaec2: Hanging from a piece of string from the ceiling? This is not how I visualise the resurrection

18.8
andy: Mental note: must not pray for space-rockets indoors
vic: Gosh, that was hot being a donkey! Being a donkey and a woman...

17.8
neil: A cow is born bigger than a moose. --Goose!!
acr33: It all starts with the first Moohaha
gaec2: Two males exchange a jaded eyebrow. Hey, can I have my jaded eyebrow back, please?
  - neil: I'm trying to think of a way of working "Moohaha" into that
neil: He picks up certain people a lot
  - acr33: No, he wouldn't dare pick up anyone else
acr33: "The Lord is... a stable in Bethlehem!"
  - gaec2: And that's just if we're lucky!

16.8
vic: Is it me, or is it really dark in here? It's sleep-inducing...
  - andy: No, you've just got your eyes shut

15.8
dawn: You're great! - But only because of Jesus.
jude: She was bored because nobody was talking
  - australian vicky: Welcome to the country!
gaec2: Do you reckon Lourdes is a bit of a familiar face in the--
  - ruth [interrupting]: --Mugging world?

14.8
acr33: I wouldn't have any problem giving lots of mouldy oranges to God

13.8
preacher: I'd like to be able to say I've grown out of being untidy. Unfortunately, that wouldn't be true. I've just found new, grown-up ways to be messy...
acr33: Change history: cook pasta.
mag32: I forgot how bad this car feels with three people and Alex's bag in
gaec2: Wah, much ganged-up-by-girls-ness!
  - mag32: This was never a problem before, was it?

12.8
gaec2: Don't you know that God looks like a taxi?

11.8
andy: Crying - it's like the female version of football
jude: Leftover Mars bars don't seem to happen in my life

10.8 (5.10.79)
akh23: My mum was told by the nurse, "Either you're having twins or your baby's got a boney bottom". And to this day I've got a boney bottom, and no twin.

8.8
acr33: I'm not a great big green person

7.8
bartow: It's great to see you're all here, except that some of you aren't

5.8
acr33: It's very unfair for you to grow wings in the middle of the night if I don't...

4.8
gaec2: I don't wanna let you die on your own!
  - acr33: Well come and die with me then!
acr33: I haven't been programmed - not with chicken tikka massala, anyway...

31.7
james: Bear with me one second... Grargh! ...It's gone now...
james: Sorry, I forgot the wall wasn't there... that freaked me for a moment

30.7
harry rayner: I thought I'd run into a swarm of locusts at first - I was looking for Morag!
acr33: [Spilling coffee on a Bible] could turn it into a treasure map. Which is, after all, what the Bible is...

29.7
jsn23: I'm not sure where to place Mike, to be honest
  - gaec2: In an asylum?
acr33 to gaec2: Was it you who put your fingers in the machine to see if it would eat them?
* sl236: It's Reality's fault - it doesn't correspond to my map
gaec2: Nagi's thumb is a Matt clone?
acr33: If in doubt - be cute!
sl236: I can't stand defeated, I'd have no feet...
acr33: Much goodness of Serge. He has riamin, thiamin and vitamin C.

28.7
mag32: We'd get people thinking you couldn't be a Christian without a pair of CICCU pyjamas
acr33: The Roman Empire wasn't a rhododendron
[M] sl236: I shall restrain myself.
  - gaec2: You were going to say you've got sex appeal or something?
sl236: I shall steal my own car. Moohaha.

27.7
dad: I wonder whether I should shoot down the road and... no, I'll let it fly past

26.7 (Wed)
acr33: Don't go and pray on the computer now

23.7 (Sun)
sl236: My neck is your ears
sl236: I am your big pineapple

22.7 (Sat)
dominic: There's always a certain something about seeing a large steamer sailing down the high street
james: Dance the dance of the many cheeses! Shake that Brie! Move that Cheddar! Spin on your head like a really strange piece of Red Leicester...
[M] dominic: You should see my Noble Purpose...
  - angela: Nibble purpose, was that?
  - ant66: Huh? Nibble porpoise!

21.7 (Fri) (Angela arrives at the madhouse)
mum to acr33 re gaec2: It's when he starts foaming at the mouth that you need to worry.
  - acr33: Oh!
  - mum: Yes, that's when you stop feeding him bubble mixture...
dad: You can't teach a duck to suck grandmothers, either
[D shack] mum: Who's been spilling muesli in the shoe polish?!
mum to gaec2: I must teach you to drive the washing machine
  - acr33: Oh! We drive cars at home, but...
ant66: My hair is a sentient being!
  - acr33: I can see this!
acr33: Next time I find a letter missing from the alphabet, I'll know it's you and your inoculations!
ant66: It looks like he's holding it up with magical power!
  - acr33: London?!
  - dad: On the end of a rope!
acr33: We don't have a dog, so we don't talk to the floor
mum: Was there any more wine?
  - dad: Where?
  - mum: In that bottle.
  - dad: Y-es......
  - mum: *Is* there any more wine?

20.7 (Thu)
dominic: That's always been one of my biggest weaknae
ant66: There's a hotel in your armpit

18.7 (Tue)
abi: Stuart is the best behaved male here
  - trudi: It's a wig!

16.7 (Sun) (Weekend at Angela's)
dad: It's very hard to have a serious conversation with someone hammering Maltesers in the background
gaec2: It's rather hard to send an email from a potato
mag32: Oh, I'm so evil! Heeheehee! It's so funny!
mag32: Serge'll be in front of his computer and a church will fall on him
helen: I'm going to go and drop the organ of Liverpool Cathedral somewhere

15.7 (Sat) (Weekend at Angela's)
gaec2: It's far too conventional to have your head in the clouds - more fun to have your head in the coffee
mag32: I'm not just any superuser. I'm... Super-Superuser

14.7 (Fri) (Weekend at Angela's)
sl236: [being jumped on by Morag] I've been saddled.

13.7
gaec2: If the whole body was but a nose, where would you put the glasses?
  - james: If the whole body was butta... wouldn't it melt?
gaec2: That creature's unblockable, untargetable... that's a really evil combination!
  - james: Rather like Cadbury's Fruit and Nut in that respect.
lep: You will feel my wrath!
  - dominic: Is it of a pleasing shape? If it isn't, I'd rather not feel it
  - lep: You can if you like - it's hiding over there in a corner, hoping nobody tries to feel it

12.7
gaec2: No! I want to escape from this T-shirt

11.7
ali: I'm going to put the kettle on.
  - james: Will it fit?
  - ali: Probably not, I have put on weight, it's true...
stuart: My sausage got away - it's running off to find a sausage community

10.7
[M] gaec2: I'm hungry.
  - ant66: So am I. And I could really do with a fog of gnats...
ant66: That's right; I'm electrocuting your roof

9.7
acr33: Much redness of ears... Much redness of pyjamas.

8.7
mark: Would everyone ally against me, please?
  - lep: I'll ally with myself against you...
lep: I'd vote for a decapitated leader any day! Let's face it - he wouldn't raise taxes...
[M] lep: [re Magic: The Gathering] I take it that using real magic to influence probabilities in this game is cheating

6.7
dad to ant: What you need is an artificial mouth... an automatic eating machine
[M] gaec2: Please refrain from catapulting a Wurm at me
ant: If you got a big elastic band and a wench to pull it back with, you could throw boulders with it...

5.7
gaec2: I'm a mathmo
  - acr33: That's not an excuse, it's a fact of life...

2.7
helen: I'm commenting that you look nice together, I'm not trying to kill you!
acr33: Your clothes contain your clothes, which contain objects ...of clothing.

1.7 (graduation day)
gaec2: Today is the first day of the end of your life
  - acr33: It's OK for you, cos you're coming back!
  - gaec2: From the dead?!
awr25 to gaec2: You're a mathmo - invent a teleporter!

-*- easter term -*-


30.6
mpj23: Have you got hiccups, Morag?
  - mag32: Yes, but I haven't any more - hic!
gaec2 to acr33: I'm glad that you're a multicoloured tomato
mpj23: How can I be more than one mice?
sl236: How can you be drunk - you haven't drunk anything!
  - mag32: High spirits...
acr33: I have an alcoholic leg
mag32: Don't clack at me, I've got an angelfish in my bag!
acr33: I could cope with a vampiric girlfriend
mpj23: Are you resisting the same pun I'm resisting, Serge?
  - sl236: I don't get it, but it's funny anyway...
acr33: Any question I ask is going to have the answer "shameful lusts"

29.6 (Oliver's musical in London)
acr33: I can hide my armies in my sleevies and my navies in my trousies
acr33: I have suspecting motives and big ears.
gaec2: That is one amazing watch defect
jackie to oliver: Your dress was shorter than some of the prostitutes

28.6 (Much day-at-beach-ness)
mpj23: That's the first time I've seen sweatdrops on a cat
* mpj23: So if people smelt of bananas, we'd know they were wearing banana skins instead of underwear
gaec2: Kangaroos don't have baby giraffes
  - mag32: But you're a mutant. Bdoing!

27.6
[M] acr33: I've got so much land in here that I could easily squash 20 cows.
gaec2 to sl236: You didn't just say "I could get a house and put you all in the freezer", did you?
acr33: My girlfriend's going off with another man!
acr33: I've got images of guinea-pigs in Levi's now
mpj23: Green grow the shirt-ies-o!
acr33 re gaec2: He's my girlfriend, I wish he'd stop it!
acr33: Open the door, or the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin will go "Puff"!

26.6 (Anna McI's curry)
stuart: A hundred and eighty-four pounds, sixty-five pence. That's quite expensive for a Coke.
[M] mpj23: What are you doing?
  - gaec2: Devising a way to make Nagi have four pairs of trousers on
acr33: I'm a fly swat. This is my only purpose in life. I think I've discovered my gifting.

25.6
acr33: Well I figured if you were going to Russia to buy two pairs of trousers, you wouldn't go anywhere else to buy the other two
acr33: Alex doesn't do hints
  - sl236: But Alex puts two and two together
  - acr33: Yes, but that's cause that's maths!
mpj23: I shall return very shortly. ...As opposed to Very Tall Lee, who I haven't borrowed
sl236: Maybe I should take to wearing platforms
acr33: When you get older your eyes will go a faded blue, like your hair
mum: Antony, do not destroy the octopus!
  - ant: I'm not destroying it, I'm trying to push the air back into it

24.6 (Susan's engagement party)
acr33: Stop impersonating yourself!
ant66: Aha! Your light rays reflect off my green stomach!
jsn23: I'm the only man I know who has to put aside an entire evening to wash my hair
mnw21: I look good with a fried egg as a hat
ant66: That hair was rude to me
jsn23: You two are getting married - you ought to get used to being next to each other!
jsn23: [points threateningly at gaec2] Are you threatening me?
  - [gets bashed in the head by a balloon] No. The balloon is.
  - [points threateningly at balloon] Are you threatening me?
[11:2] jsn23: OK, I have a new toy
awb26: A helicopter dropping some water is distinctly different from it raining
harry rayner: Alex has finished his Tripos, but is doing a Quadropos
gaec2: Actually Serge doesn't look like he's possessed; he just looks like he's really enjoying his coffee

23.6
acr33 to gaec2: I was just looking at your face and all of a sudden it went bright yellow

22.6 (Day out and picnic)
acr33: We could bribe someone. Your watermelon or your life.
mpj23: Never fear - when I fall in the water my shorts shall save me!
acr33: I know I'm only four, and I'm the youngest, but I've still got common sense cos I left home last!

21.6 (Anna's "garden" party)
gaec2: Angela's laughing in the middle of a watermelon
mag32: I hate to tell people this, but plants aren't animals
gaec2: I wonder if plants enjoy photosynthesising?
acr33: Much good news... I was just about to sit on your legs, that's not good news
mnw21: One of the things about these water weapons is they get people wet
acr33: Be nice!
  - gaec2: I'm being a music stand!
  - zcl20: Well be a nice music stand!
acr33 to djr36: So you're saying that Jesus College looks like Battenburg cake? - djr36: Yes!
acr33: I've caused middle-aged ladies to... panic, and run for the other end of the room

20.6
[M] sl236: Alex is looking through his graveyard
  - mag32: Oh poo, I've figured out what Alex has!
  - acr33: Alex obviously has a spade...
[M] acr33: Behemoth!
  - gaec2: I can't... I've not got wings and I don't flutter around lignts...
sl236: Everybody should have a big flashing light on their head.
[M] sl236: I will get around to tidying my room sometime
  - mag32: You could do that with a Serra Angel

19.6 (Jesus May Ball)
beth: "This is my going-to-the-toilet smile"
gaec2: At least the tree isn't precariously balanced on a pair of wheels
acr33: You have so many open options that you even have grass on your face
jsn23: We're not living in a Lie Algebra. Face it!
beth: I'm worrying if I put the lipstick in my bra, it might get lost...

18.6
[M] acr33: There is an advantage to having a few hurricanes and earthquakes up your sleeve
jsn23: So which is a better friend: some bees or some Greek words?
dhk20: Run like the wind! Now. Stop like the wind!

17.6 (Susy & Vic's 25th Anniversary)
karen: I have read more magazines on bathroom redecoration than... I could throw at a cow
karen: Nothing goes to Bangladesh
  - [on a request for context] We were talking about wine glasses
catriona: What if throwing rubber into the fire smells nice? This is an Anniversary! And Anniversaries smell nice!
gabe: Oh, Paul, you look a little fed up! [questioning look is returned] - Oh! You look like Paul!
acr33: [looking at sunburn] I think we might have caught the sun. All we need now is to install it in our bedrooms...

16.6
mag32: Don't be so protective of your snails, I'm sure they can cope
acr33: A snail with a limp? What an interesting concept!
acr33: What are you doing in there?
  - douglas: We're genetically modifying cardboard snails
mpj23: What's a compucumber?

15.6
mum: [after breakfast] I feel like a human being.
  - dad: I'll go and get you one then

14.6
[W] gaec2: Where are you standing, Angela?
  - acr33: In a piece of red stuff in the sky.
vcm23: We're talking about food, it's a kinda basic necessity.
  - gaec2: Don't you regard a bazooka as a basic necessity then?
awr25: Jesus gave salvation to everybody and didn't need it himself
  - hcd22: Yes, but he didn't keep 3% for himself...

13.6
acr33: If you starve yourself your arms will fall off
[W] gaec2: Been there, done that, got the gravestone
gaec2: Pokémon are evil. They look like demons
  - mpj23: I'm sure Serge can relate to that one
  - gaec2: Looking like a demon?
acr33: We could come back with the others, or without. Possibly both
pjs35: When I was at school I virtually lived in my rucksack

12.6
mpj23: Serge, are you molesting Kate's computer?
  - mag32: It's molesting itself, thanks!
[9:16] ea212: Claire's trying to kill 7 or 8 people stylishly

11.6
jjb37: Nick, you've got 5 fingers - someone else must have lost one!
jjb37: 6 jellybabies and tomatoes turned into 3 cats and a UFO!
gaec2: It's not Angela you need to apologise to, it's the 7-up bottle!

10.6
[M] sl236: I have just been killed by an atheist
gaec2: So they went to Grantchester and Kate fell in?
  - mpj23: Kate fell into Grantchester, yes, that's right
mpj23: I was thinking just the garlic in the profiteroles
mag32: Eek, there are people in that window! Only they're blue and gold and naked and have no arms
mag32: Alex, you're a pollutant, aren't you?

9.6
jens: Are you enjoying life?
  - mag32: Yes, I am!
  - jens: Why aren't you weird then?
acr33: You look so cute when you're cowering in a corner
gaec2: Serge doesn't have any dragon blood of his own - I was slightly surprised by this
mag32: Remind me again, Serge, what removing things from graveyards has to do with anything?
prt33: I think of the things I've discussed with Christians this year... shooting innocent tourists, gatecrashing May Balls, going bridge-hopping...

8.6 (End of Exams)
mag32 to sl236: Are you using your coffee grinder as your brain?
[W] acr33: Your father was an elderberry!
[W] jsn23: [Boom] ...Actually, might I have survived that?
  - mpj23: No, but a shrubbery would have done
[9:7] jsn23: Let us smoke solid state physics, in all their glory!
jeremy kutner: I have written some songs on the guitar - not written them on the guitar, but used the guitar to write them
  - kenton: That's even more of a skill, isn't it? Cos you have to dip the guitar in ink, and...
steve: These supercomputers - were they all for image recognition programs, to tell if the cows were lying down?
dhk20: You wouldn't want me to be gay, would you?
  - jsn23: I'd prefer it...
jsn23: [coming off the phone] I've no idea if I was talking to an answerphone or my mum

7.6
film: We have to go now, because I'll only be here for a short while
  - jsn23: Now when a bloke says that to a woman, you know something's wrong
  - jjb37: If he says it to a bloke, you know something's wrong!
jsn23: I've got two hours, then I'm going to read some notes and dream about them.
random busker: And now we're going to play the most famous piece of Mozart, by Mozart or anyone else!

6.6
awr25: You've got a three-dimensional T-shirt, after all
mpj23: I think I can finally identify this disease we've caught - it's linguitis - an unnatural inflammation and swelling of the language :)

5.6
sl236: No strings attached. Would I attach strings to a Buddha?
[W] gaec2: Repeat after me - I will not throw sheep at Nagi's head!
acr33: We eat the babies - that's OK!
acr33: The thing about bulls is they have kids...
mag32: What happens to the bull after they sacrifice it?
  - jsn23: Is this what happens at Burger King or something?
acr33: Ah, excellent! Insanity... automatism... and intoxication.

4.6
mag32: What's "Christian dodgy"? Is it where you eat the wrong kind of quiche?
sl236: Are our bikes Christian?
  - mag32: I don't know - I've never asked!
acr33: [whispers during sermon] So is he saying we should all be a Burger King burger?
sl236: If you spill coffee on me you get two of me, and then if you feed one of me after midnight you get me and Nagi!
mag32: It's evil and possessed!
  - gaec2: What is?
  - mag32: My floppy drive...
mch36: It's my mission trip - I'm going to Liverpool, to evangelise the people who've never heard about civilisation and things
acr33: You're not reinforcing stereotypes - old people aren't made of jelly and neither are babies!
gaec2: I've turned you into me!

3.6
mag32: She's engaged.
  - mpj23: That's her stupid fault!
acr33: It's unhygienic.
  - gaec2: But it's called Albert!
gaec2: Much managed-to-come-out-without-wallet-ness.
  - mpj23: Much d'oh. Or rather, much lack-of-dough, is the problem.

2.6
acr33: We all go "Chug" at 4am
gaec2: I can't believe I'm being complimented by a binomial coefficient from Combinatorics
gaec2: "Jacquie's Wibbly 1984"?
  - acr33: Occupier's Liability 1984.
  - gaec2: Oh well, nearly the same thing.

1.6
sl236: I'd better not get my squirrels mixed up with my life

-*- easter term -*-


30.4 (Ed Anderson's Wok day)
mag32: I was saying, How do you apply Zorn's Lemma to the Bible?
jsn23: I love being irradiated, it's what I live for.
acr33: There's all these elephants running around with L plates in Northern Canada
lmd21: A table can have pockets... if it's a snooker table [re yesterday's quote "You can't have pockets, you're a table"]
gaec2: I'm going to be haunted in my dreams by jelly babies now, I'm going to look out of the window and see this floating, malevolent jellybaby terrifying me going "Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!"
gaec2: I may be able to see the Isle of Wight, but that doesn't mean I can see whether the people on it are taking their flares off!
acr33: Being an optimist can be a bit of a problem at times... Can I borrow your jacket?
acr33: Recently I've been appreciating how glad I am to not be made of rice paper.
acr33: Knock-knock, bikey-bikey!

29.4.00 (Tamsyn's engagement party)
acr33: You'll get twiglets in your armpits if you're not careful.
acr33: I've got to keep my table under control, it's not always easy.
acr33 to gaec2: You're not very well balanced are you?
acr33: Stop it! You can't have pockets, you're a table.
[sl236 explaining black jeans on a sunny day:] I would change, but wizards don't wear shorts
mag32: Excuse me, Alex, my entire life is by your feet.
mag32: I have been known to write a word and look for the 'Undo' function on my pen

28.4.00 (Beth visits)
gaec2: The girls and the [gestures at self] honourary girl are oooing at the pretty girls' clothes...
  - sl236: I'm trying to give it up!
[anti-defining] gaec2: No, that would be too silly
mag32: It's Serge's fault. Most things are.
mpj23: I've yet to injure myself with a chopping board

27.4.00
jsn23: Why do you need pink highlighter when you have tomato purée?
jsn23 to acr33: Be quiet, oh... Angela one!
gaec2: You want me to provide an interpretation for my tongue?
  - mag32: Yes, it's long and red and attached to your mouth
acr33 to mag32: We'll ask you what to do for all our children problems
  - mag32: Kill them all!
pjs35: My legs don't cross very well

26.4.00
acr33: That's the most suspicious bit of nothing I've seen for a long time
gaec2: Kyriakos Pavlou is his name
  - acr33: He sounds like a pudding...

25.4.00
mag32: If Serge can't make [this anime] dark in any other way, he'll lower the brightness
mpj23 to sl236: I thought you said "There is no silver lining without a cow"
jsn23: But if someone *asks* my opinion -
  - mag32: Then they're a fool!
jsn23: Now there's just one thing I have to do. Strip down to my socks, spread tomato ketchup all over myself, get a chainsaw, and put a Genesis CD on. Or at least Phil Collins.
acr33: The water doesn't need grating, does it? [general laughter and cries of "quote"] acr33: Well we are in a hard water area...
[D] acr33: I'm being weird.
acr33: Don't touch me, my trousers will fall down.
gaec2: I've never washed lettuce down a sink using orange squash before

-*- pre-term -*-


24.4.00
mpj23: Shall we install a smoke detector on your head?
mag32: I owe Serge most of my scanner now.
dad to sl236: Keep June the 19th free
  - gaec2: Which is what, just into May Week?
dad: It's a hammer with a spade handle... It's a spammer! Oh no!

21.4
ant: The only sort of dancing I do is dancing which leads to kicks!
dad: This workbench has never been the same since the garage fell on it

20.4
celia: Anything goes well with alcoholic.

-*- word alive -*-


19.4
tseg2: Oh, yes, I'd want to be Mr and Mrs - well, not both...
gaec2: Hey, look, it's Ben Thompson! Yoo-hoo! Much Ben...
mpj23 & rjh61: Stones don't usually fill with water and sink like a stone

18.4
rjh61: If you have a tendency to slide down one end of the caravan, you know something's wrong
mag32: Mike, you're so weird!
#####: We need a spoof book [compared to "No Sex Please, We're Single"] called "No Singleness Please, We're Sexy"...
aks27: [ruefully] I forgot that when I come into [gaec2's presence] anything I say can and will be taken down as evidence and used in *humour* against me!
tseg2: Jesus didn't come out of the desert on Sundays, did he!
aks27: This is one of those occasions when if I try to understand everything I'll go mad. So I'll just ahccept that Shan was eating catfood, without parsley...
aks27: If you have four times the word "Custard", is it Four Custard or Four Custard*s*?
  - rjh61: It depends if the custard is all in one bowl, or separate.
mag32: Die, Mike, in pain and agony!
  - [mpj23 slips off chair screaming "Aaargh!"]
  - mag32: See? He still does what I tell him to do...

17.4.00
gaec2: I'll probably discover I've forgotten how to swim now.
  - acr33: I'll laugh. Um, I mean, rescue you.
rjh61: I get the impression it was dead before I shot it
acr33: You shouldn't keep toilets together in pairs...
lk212 to tseg2: There are eleven mouths to feed, Mamah! And a baby cow!
lk212: Die, you old bat! Have a poisoned biccie!
gaec2: It was a Christmas present!
  - nsg27: Oh? When was that?
  - gaec2: Christmas!
acr33: "I'm going out with that mud pie over there..."
gaec2: [mystic tone] Not everything random... is a fish.

16.4.00
gaec2: [This rain] doesn't seep through my hair.
  - mag32: Alex, you have reinforced steel hair...
mpj23:A young man with a thing for Japan
Was as surreal as any man can.
He thought he would bimble
And went as a thimble
But one of his minions became angry because the
last line didn't scan.
tseg2: Oh, the rice is getting bigger and bigger!
mark: He's got a doctorate on the subject of Hell... but he's really a nice chap
mag32: [This music] is good for chopping cheese to. ...This is an accolade, by the way...
gaec2: I'm an incy-wincy spider, here's my spout /
Here's my teapot, here's my ...er....
mag32 to gaec2: You do have taste, you just don't use it often...
mag32: I'm going to be working for BT!
  - mpj23: You're not going to be telling people it's good to talk, though...
  - mag32: No, I'm going to be telling people it's good to fiddle with computers!

15.4.00
acr33: Tamsyn is our mummies and daddies
rjh61: Earthquakes are not normally localised in the centre of my back
nre20: You know you've been in the Arab world for too long when you start finding women's ankles attractive
nre20: I wouldn't say no...
  - acr33: That'd be a yes then.
tseg2: I wonder if anyone's ever proposed to anyone else using a Hula-Hoop?
mpj23: Richard used to get drunk sometimes
  - tseg2: On soup?
tseg2: I'm an orange person
lk212: Sorry, brain's not functioning... Never was...

14.4.00
acr33 re gaec2: We shouldn't be penalised for his facial movements!
acr33: Oh, stop the cow!
[D] rjh61: You aren't expecting me to approve of something, are you?
mpj23: So if you take Alex away from his brother, does that make half a nuisance?
gaec2: Some shorts over there... Ooh, look - we're definitely in trousers territory now!
tseg2: I've got a lightsabre partially up my nose
mag32: Because we don't have to live by college regulations anymore... Ooh! I want to breed!
acr33: You're in good spirits, then? Been soaking in vodka overnight, obviously...

-*- easter holidays -*-


13.4.00
mpj23: Imagine sunbathing with cucumbers on your eyes
gaec2: Our pizza is hatching!

12.4.00
mpj23: Is there a station in Cloud Cuckoo land?

10.4.00
ant66: Oi! You've got thumbs - get over 'ere!

26.3
dad: [re ant] He's like an ideal gas!

-*- lent term -*-


25.3
gaec2: It's like going fishing in Mike's drink.
gaec2 to jsn23: You're the man!
  - jsn23: Yes, but I'm not a Horned Reaper!
  - [ sl236: Give him time... ]
gaec2: Can Sergei scale the roof of 6 Adams, using only... a herring?
  - sl236: Depends how large the herring is...
mag32: Please don't put Cities of Gold in the toaster!
gaec2 re jsn23: He's degenerating into a Writhing Mass of Primal Chaos

24.3
mpj23: I wouldn't describe Nagi as everything
sl236 to jsn23: Give 'em hell!
  - jsn23: I intend to give them food...
[after losing 3 games of Puzzle Bobble] acr33: I'm beating him up on Puzzle Bobble, he just hasn't realised it yet
sl236-2: Server sent us "Go away!" command
gaec2: All of a sudden Mike sees his life flash before his eyes
  - mag32: And it's very short and consists of brightly coloured spheroids
gaec2: Cauliflower is a valid utterance

22.3 (Meal at aks27)
mpj23: I eat anything - [sl236 edges away]
akh22: I didn't predict it... but I suppose that doesn't mean it's not predictable...
gaec2: Oh my, someone has managed to get an obscenity into a maths joke. - mag32: Oh, let's see!
aks27: If there's anything you don't want washing up, speak now or forever hold your pizza.
jjb37: What would Eeyore look like with Alex's beard?
susan: But I am a female! - sl236: But you were firing rubber bands! That makes you exempt...
gaec2: The three genders: male, female and rubber-band-archer!
mag32: Serge, when I start calling you Nagi, get worried
akh22 re jjb37: He's practicing jet propulsion
aks27: That goes without thinking
jjb37: Can I volunteer to be a toadstool?
jjb37: Where's your shift button, Mike?
  - mag32: On his feet.
gaec2: You've stolen the rest of my foot
mpj23: I think it is neccesary for me to move... otherwise I won't
acr33: It's a long standing tradition - you can throw anything out of the window
hms31: [commenting on an animé] Sayonara, sucker!
acr33 to jsn23: If I say something, don't point out contradictions...
  - jsn23: It's my job as a mathmo!

21.3
mpj23: What you looking for, Phil?
  - pjs35: Er. ... Brain.
mpj23: I adjust my insanity to match that of those around me.
mag32: What we really need is to get a big beanbag and put Nagi into the middle of it
jjb37: I'll say hello, but I may well come back and talk to you at some point
jsn23: If you've ever tried to get drunk on coffee, you'll have found it's futile
gaec2: I'm sorry, I don't mean to bombard you with cameras [ - jsn23: We'll do it with bike pumps instead! ]
mag32: Nagi, I'm very glad I wasn't in your chemistry class. In fact, since I was at an all-girls school I'm very glad I wasn't in your chemistry class...
jsn23 to gaec2, pointing to jjb37: After you've killed yourself, kill him!

20.3
jsn23: I'd forgotten how much fun it is being an alien
jsn23: It's always a surprise to look up and see Serge hasn't killed himself
sl236: I can't breed slime more often than once an hour
sl236: Six other people can breed from Nagi until...
mag32: I won't mate with Nagi if he's not got wings!

19.3
[as awr25 orders two large kebabs for himself]: mpj23: We'll have to give [Alan R] some medication
  - jsn23: Yeah - a bowl of salad!
jsn23: Serge, I was afraid I'd lost you!
  - sl236: Oohhh... I love you too, Nagi...
  - jsn23: I don't love you! I just don't want to be blown up by your missiles...
jsn23: Can you actually imagine little monkeys running around being scary?
awr25: I'm a bit worried about this coffee-it's coming out in lumps!
  - sl236: [brightens up]
jsn23: This is why I should carry a toolbox with me: to throw tools at people!
jsn23 to gaec2: Either go to bed or go and kill yourself... both would be beneficial

18.3 (Angela's last night)
mpj23: I can just imagine a sheep crystal now... Sheep in a regular array!
akh23: Angela's not [in Cambridge], but she's sat on Alex's bed!
akh23: I didn't give up cannibalism for Lent
acr33: I won by accident

17.3
jsn23: If the wall wasn't there I'd have dived over it
mpj23: You're thinking too much in terms of actual herrings, aren't you, Alex?
acr33: You can stand for authenticity without wanting a see- through head
susan: It's not maths!
  - gaec2: Well, I nearly didn't say maths...

16.3
gaec2: I'm not claiming that Dan King is God
  - awr25: Well, he is a King...
  - gaec2: Yes, but he's an arts student! Don't be silly!

15.3 (CDC Ball)
acr33: Waah! It's so unfair! I'm forced into a life of forever cuteness!
jsn23: I'm getting on well with them, I just might accidentally kill them
cat re jsn23: He just looks like a disgruntled teddy bear
mpj23: A lawnmower isn't a mode of transport!
  - jsn23: Yes it is

14.3
gaec2: We really need a bottomless chasm here...
  - gaec2: But we've got Nagi's stomach, so that's OK!
jsn23: I never cause trouble! [looks round nervously]...Much...
mpj23: Yes, Angela, you've never lived in a fridge [ - acr33: Well, I have actually...]
acr33: What makes one coffee randomer than another?
jsn23: Your arm went into my coffee, Serge, I couldn't help
gaec2: If you can judge a wise man by the colour of his fridge...
jsn23: A flamethrower... it's a perfectly good instrument
  - mpj23: Nagi, you've never played in an orchestra, have you?
jsn23 to mpj23: He can cook with a shoe in his head!
gaec2: What about psychic shoelaces?
mag32: Blokes are quite comfortable to lie on
[incriminating] jsn23: There's not enough maths in here...
jsn23: I think we should kill him, out of sheer euthanasia [ - mpj23: Nagi: smile, you're on Candid Nokia ]
jsn23: I told you. They had to fall through an interdimensional hole - it's an animé!
sl236: Just double-click on it.
  - jsn23: Oh, yeah, I remember how to do that!
jsn23: You alright, Dan? You seem lost... not that you're ever found...
jsn23: Obviously I'm too innocent and naïve in the ways..
jsn23: That goes back to pre-GCSE... my last experience with naïvété!
jsn23: I just saw an Eeyore floating there... but there's a Morag underneath it!
jsn23: Do you remember that Malcolm Longair lecture you didn't go to?

13.3
acr33: Imagine opening the curtains to see someone attacking you with a big blue stick! [ - gaec2: Coool... ]

12.3
acr33: You need to die
  - jsn23: First you need to kill me!
jsn23: I don't think the Austrians speak English, they speak Ostrich...
acr33: We knew this already, Nagi, that you're a freak and I'm a different freak
gaec2: The Argentine Tango? No, that's not Spanish

11.3
acr33: Nuclear waste is probably better for killing people anyway
mag32: Now everyone's killing Sergey every chance they get! [pronounced Sergei]

10.3
dcl24: Someone goes up to you in a mall and goes, "Jesus loves you", you'll respond "Oh...kay. Well, here's the number of my psychiatrist... I'm sure he loves you too"
acr33: She reminds me of Zoë
  - gaec2: That's because she is!

9.3.00 (Nagi's birthday)
gaec2: Nagi, headbutting my teeth isn't the best plan.
jsn23.robinson: Enemy unit scanning IFF signature...
  - jsn23: Ah! I have an email!
[7:16] awr25: You look like you're controlling things from here!
tjh30: I'd do so much better if I didn't keep killing myself
jsn23: I would never ever try steering with my lungs

8.3.00
gaec2 to acr33: Purple flan?
  - acr33: No, I said "clever plan"!

7.3.00 (Shrove Tuesday)
acr33: How could you get the whole world into a pancake?
  - mag32: Use a big pancake, obviously...
gaec2: So many things about Morag can be explained if you just remember her feline nature
  - mpj23: Liike the way she goes "Mmrrrowwl!"
acr33: I think I'm going to name this after one of my supervisors so I can eat it
dhk20: You haven't clothed yourself much in the past few hours, have you?
  - gaec2: No, he's been doing Quantum Mechanics
  - dhk20: Ah, this explains everything
sl236: Is this a private human pyramid, or can anyone join in?

6.3.00
nsg27: It never occurred to me to do maths for a laugh
jjb37: I forgot that my left hand wasn't a right hand
acr33: I'm a turtle with free will!

5.3.00
jmdp2: One of my friends is getting baptised in the river Cam.
  - mpj23: I thought baptism was meant to be with water...
aalw2: Can we get on, before we dissolve into CompSci and beards?
mpj23: Someone got carroted. With a carrot.
  - gaec2: Good thing to carrot someone with, a carrot...
awr25: Are you going to give your last Rolo to a jellybaby?
random voice thru door: It's all the Monitor's fault!
dhk20: People are welcome to suggest wacky topics
  - gaec2: *restrains himself with great difficulty*
dhk20 to sl236: You're not outnumbered by me!
awr25 to acr33: You need to turn your mouth into a Marmite jar
sl236: Could somebody explain what it is?
  - mpj23: Impersonal third person pronoun...
mpj23: This is Nagi. Altruism happens to other people
mpj23: [to sl236 with cap in front of his face] Serge, you're going to have difficulties drinking like that
  - jsn23: Serge never has difficulties drinking!
sl236-2.robinson: Unknown command ecki-ecki-ecki- ptangfluboing-nnrnrnr....ni!

4.3.00
mpj23: They've got an underground train coming out of the P'Lodge and going up the chimney
sl236: Buy these jeans off me, and I'll throw in the bananas!
mag32: Do you ever go anywhere unnoticed?
  - acr33: Yes! - You just don't notice...

3.3.00
[7:3] acr33: Waah! Isn't it annoying, I can't read two things at once!
acr33: It's your fault that I've got into cartoon worship now!

2.3.00
mag32: Self-control is a wonderful thing
  - keb31: Yes, I wish I had some
mpj23: What would you like: apple, orange, banana?
  - nsg27: Can I have an orange banana please?
mpj23: You might want a bin - these clementines aren't as seedless as they like to think.
acr33: We've been taking the wrong type of pills, cos we didn't know what they were

1.3.00
sl236: The screen blanker will take effect
  - gaec2: What's that do?
  - sl236: It blanks the screen...

29.2.00
gaec2: If I'm licking my sleeve it's for perfectly innocent reasons
sl236: [My project's] 95% done
  - mag32: What's the 1% of it that's not?
mpj23: You often find Americans in the US
acr33: The chicken's been coming to lectures. And the pig. And the purple hippo. And the bubbles. I'm getting some quite odd looks then...
[caption 7:1] acr33: We're playing Piggy-in-the-Middle

28.2.00
gaec2: Ooo, me found two copies of Mike
acr33: I'm not sure I like the idea of replaced apple juice

27.2.00
gaec2: I definitely should think of shaving it off. --Not my face!

26.2.00
gaec2: Trapped in the African jungle... "Aha! Katona's proof!"
dad: He looks just the same standing up as he does lying down!

25.2.00
[caption to 6] claire bordenave [with very French deep unimpressedness]: I'm not very impressed by this
ea212: Dr Cowley looks like Edd Pringle's teddy bear... he has the same maniacal grin
acr33: I wanted to take a hacksaw to [my hair]
  - mag32: I was actually tempted to ask if I could do it...
nre20: I normally do the First things first, then the Second thing [re First and Second football team]
acr33: I'd like to know the context!
  - mag32: So would I. ...And I was there...
[caption to 6] acr33: He's so cute when you shoot him, I think I'll do it again
mag32: Will and Rich Hainsworth are... at least of the male persuasion, if not men
mag32: I'm a natural electric green?
gaec2: What CIE's are there?
  - mpj23: Cambridge International Elephants?

24.2.00
akh23: If someone said "Hello Anthony with the orange nose", you'd be offended, wouldn't you?
- awb26: That's because I don't have an orange nose!
keb31 quoting ruth harrington: He's torn his right achilles tendon. His suffering was as a result of the name of Christ: he was playing football at an evangelistic sports night...

23.2.00
mag32: So the coffee won't fly through the sky or form on the ground, it'll fall from the sky. That would make the most sense...
mpj23: My hair opens and shuts...

22.2.00
akh23: Alex, you've got breasts!
  - gaec2: No, I've got a duck and two bike lights!
  - akh23: Duck? It's a camel!
gaec2: Defining the laws of physics to suit your own matter transmitter is rather cool, isn't it?
mpj23: It's rather harder to play the trombone [than the piano] in a sensitive and delicate manner
mag32: The idea was to stop Serge moving, not to cripple him for life!

21.2.00
ekf20: When I told you to play assertively, I didn't mean play as though you want to kill me...
gaec2: Dibdibdib, dibdibdib, dibdibdib...
  - acr33: Dabdabdab, Dabdabdab, Dabdabdab!
acr33: I meant to say, "I forgot to take my eibble off before I came out", but I said "I forgot to take my eibble out before I came off"!

20.2.00
mpj23: Have you ever drunk a cup of watered-down tomato ketchup? [ - acr33: Not by choice! ]
mpj23: Music stands do not usually go quack, Alex
yellow camel (helped by gaec2): She sells sick beans on the 3 4!
  - purple hippo (helped by acr33): No she doesn't!
mnw21: That was an evil good
phil: Am I going out with anyone?
[6:14] time = 2:01am
acr33 [sleeptalking!]
But goodness knows what happens
I've no idea what a "?Jive?Jed?" is, and I've no particular, um...

19.2.00
mag32: I like turning upside-down, it's great fun
acr33: There's a difference between chocolate in bed and sleeping in chocolate... not sure which one would be preferable
jsn23: [If Mike's head was on fire] Morag wouldn't run round shouting "Your head's on fire!", she'd be screaming "Oh no, your hair's going to be shorter!"
sl236: Why am I slurring my words?
  - mpj23: No, Nagi's slurring his ears!
mpj23: Oh, so we mustn't disturb Angela?
  - acr33: I'm already disturbed

18.2.00
jjb37: What happened last Saturday?
  - pjs35: It was your [21st] birthday, Jeremy!!
acr33: I was thinking of buying an Economy Cow so that it'd be cheaper, and it'd have a blue stripe round it
gaec2: We're making positive assumptions about the cleanliness of your stomach

17.2.00
jmdp2: Oh, that's OK! [radiates relief] I can use transgenic mice!
gaec2: Those are quotes from lecturers. And these are the quotes that people have said
[6:3] mpj23: ...Redefines the word catnap...
susan: I think I had quite a rampage on my own head at one point. [re: party at Anne's with elephant]
mpj23: Don't press "Help" - it's unhelpful.

16.2.00
[How do you stop a chocolate-covered Jaffa cake from melting?]
mpj23: [tossing his from hand to hand] I'm stopping mine from
melting in the obvious way
gaec2: [pointing at his on the table next to him] No, I'm stopping mine from melting in the obvious way
mag32: [with her mouth full] No, I'm stopping mine from melting in the obvious way!

acr33: Oh wow, it's proper snow that's proper proper and propering!
mpj23: "So, Mr Churchill, what appears to be the problem with your phone?" "I snowed on it..."
mag32: I have this recurring dream of being able to get up in the morning
acr33: Jellybabies can be used to represent different people of different colours, all coming together in one... packet.

15.2.00
gaec2: So if you can't be a believer, you'll be a turtle
mpj23: Sergei no heya ikimas! [Let's go to Serge's room!]
  - acr33: It's not nice to call Serge an icky mess!
jsn23 to dhk20: You probably know more than us, cos we don't know anything!
[D] awr25: Teddies are extremely streetwise

14.2.00
acr33: I've got no feet. I have 3 feet. I have no feet or head. That's it.

13.2.00
susan: Emily has a sister called Jeremy
emily: Why didn't you catch one of the elephants and send it to me? I'd look after it very carefully...
awr25: Can my teddies join Assassins?
sl236: They're talking about science, not the real world
acr33: If you're sensible you don't leave my character alone
jsn23: How about we depend on the masculinity of your radiator?

12.2.00
djr36: What sort of example were you thinking of setting? I was thinking of a bad one...
tal20: I could lecture a 3rd-year degree course on How To Be A Creature Of Indeterminate Gender In A Shoujo Manga
acr33: Has anyone seen a pink walrus round here?
jmdp2: Choking? Fractures? What else am I doing...
acr33 to sl236: Stop wibbling my back
gaec2: He's got elephant-shaped ice-cubes - what more do you need!
mag32: Alex is the owner of the mad cow
  - hazel: That's not a very polite thing to call Jeremy!
akh22: Anna McI has been known to pretend she was a horse [True!]
hazel to gaec2: Are you the random flasher?

11.2.00
susan: Jeremy is NOT like Jeremy, he's very cool
acr33: I'm running out of trees
acr33: I was thinking of the Billy Goats Gruff, but they're not trolls, are they?
acr33: Beep at me, woman!
nre20: I think I'm developing a birthmark

9.2.2000
gaec2: [Sainsbury's:] Aisle 5: Cleaning Products and Demonic Sacrifices
sl236: I've not got photos of Anne other than in 'incriminating evidence'
gaec2: [Quotes on this phone] all make perfect sense!
  - acr33: Yeah. That's the worrying thing!
mpj23: I know that feeling.
  - gaec2: What, "right at the cutting edge of novelty?"
  - mpj23: No, "Aaaaghhh!"
sl236: [disappointedly] Aw, I missed being 7-millionth. Again.
mag32: Serge in a wardrobe won't get very far down the Cam...
dhk20: I attract random pieces of orange peel
dhk20: I'm not teetotal - I've just got 40 pints of beer in my room

8.2.2000
mpj23: Serge doesn't need bridesmaids!
jca24: Nice girlfriends are harder to find than nice ties
mag32: Only Katie's allowed to make my fingers fall off
sl236: There's alI sorts of things you can do with a jug of water...
mag32: What Serge is to coffee, tea is to Phil
acr33: *rubs hands* Aha! Lots of octopuses all for me!
tseg2: People only ever play golf or get killed on golf courses
gaec2: My hair's not visible
  - mag32: That's 'cause you're wearing a mushroom!
akh23: I'm not generic
jsn23: It's cold in here! - Oh, that's cos I've got no clothes on.
mag32 to sl236: You have a brain, don't you? - sl236: No!

7.2.2000
susan: I remember faces - I don't remember names
  - snim2: I remember nothing! - I vaguely remember food, it is true...
mmm27: Trampolining has the lowest accident rate of any Olympic sport
  - jmdp2: So how many people kill themselves ballroom dancing?
mmm27: Are you a ship? Er, shipmate?
  - jmdp2: Erm, more of a belly-flop, I think.
jsn23: Are you on drugs?
  - acr33: [on auto] No. No. [sudden thoughtfulness] Maybe...
[caption to 5:12] mag32: Well I did say if he didn't grow a beard I'd paint his head purple
mag32: You can't expect logic from me when I've got a paintbrush in my hand
sl236: The curry episode is deep, if people aren't distracted by the elephants

or perhaps not

6.2.2000
mag32 to sl236: It's your birthday - I'm giving you a damp cloth
mpj23: I've never seen a real London bus with a spout in the middle of the dashboard
acr33 [on phone]: Where's Colindale? - Sahara desert, yeah, that kind of region...
[D] ant: If it's green, I can probably find a use for it
acr33: I thought "I can't believe I'm having an argument with a cat!"
acr33: Pork is not the same as chicken. - mpj23: There is this...
gaec2: Oi, Ant, you're not meant to get in better books than me!
ant: I'm very logical about destruction
mag32: Mike, what's our ETA? - mpj23 [answering]: Estimated Time of Arrival...
mag32: Glurble wibble general flop kind of thing.

5.2.2000
gaec2: I thought of popping round tomorrow, but I didn't
mag32: Fish are what Cambridge University specialises in
mag32: My supervisor's a rodent man
jsn23: I'm going teetotal.
  - dhk20: What, for the next week?
  - jsn23: I was thinking the next three minutes, actually. I was looking for Serge's bottle of vodka.
  - sl236: It's in your room.
mag32: You were eavesdropping on a private conversation with myself
mag32: The Eeyore's holding onto the motherboard
mag32: Stop teasing [my plant]!
  - acr33: It wasn't me, it was the hippo!!
acr33 to sl236: Come and help me make him [gaec2] behave!
  - [gaec2 runs from the room]
gaec2: I got that. But I tried to lose it again as soon as possible
[caption to 5:3] mag32: Look! We're going to sleep before it's 12!
mag32 to sl236: Lie in the middle and we'll squash you - it's your birthday!

4.2.2000
acr33: One day you're going to put [your shirt] on, and your arms will fall off!

3.2.2000
acr33: I'll just go in the fridge overnight
gaec2: My brother told me small fish were swimming through my head - mag32: He's probably right
mag32: I have an internal purse - didn't you know this?
acr33: I was thinking of becoming human

2.2.2000
gaec2: [The Odd Squad are]... sanitarily challenged...
  - tseg2: No that sounds like you don't wash.
gaec2: We're all experts in Director's Chair assembly

1.2.2000
acr33: It's a flying fish! - gaec2: Well, a fish that was trying to fly, and then a load of pasta landed on it.
acr33: How do you know the pasta wasn't trying to fly, and then landed on the fish?
acr33: So if I look out the window and see a Diplodocus bird...
mpj23 to mag32: Please exist - I'd be all depressed if you were a figment of my imagination...
  - mag32: I'm not a figment of your imagination - it's mine!
mag32: Lots of different categories of blokes ... the occasional weird ones - pointedly doesn't look at Alex...
mag32: I miss the fish

30.1.2000
mpj23: Matthew died
  - gaec2: Oh excellent!
pjs35: That's so scary - to eat 2 and a half pizzas! I mean, I might have 3 or 4, but...
sl236: I'm suing my chins for slander
[caption to film 4, photo 20] sl236 to mpj23: You remind me of someone like that
dhk20: Are there any living creatures that do things genuinely randomly? - jsn23: Have you ever met Anne?
dhk20: The word "res" means anything you can't think of another word for.
  - jsn23: So what you're res res res res-ing is... res.
gaec2: Things that are red are red.
  - jsn23: Then why can oranges be green? Oops, those are limes...

29.1.2000
sl236: There's only one sort of alcohol you keep in the freezer
  - jsn23: Yeah - Mr Men Apple Juice!
jsn23: Am I rabid? - Don't answer that...
mpj23: I was looking in the right place, but in the wrong world
gaec2: Picking up cliffs doesn't tend to work
mpj23: Mike has heard the advice not to experiment on visitors. Mike has decided to put this advice on one side.
acr33: It must be really hard work holding people together
kam34: Oh look, there's a spider in my room
  - hms31: Ooh - and I'm not screaming!
mag32: Wah - I'm a yoghurt!

28.1.2000
jsn23: Indians get a lot of hot food - how come they're not 8 foot tall? With wings?
dhk20 to jsn23: I'll call you fat, Nagi
  - jsn23: There you go, you see - Dan's got manners!
awr25: You're wearing an infra-red shirt
jsn23: It's rather difficult to look dignified walking out of the ladies' toilet...
dhk20: If you eat flies- like me- it's useful to have a long tongue...
jsn23: Get off my nose! Oh - that's not my nose. Grab her nose!

27.1.2000
mpj23: I deny all knowledge
  -susan: That's very clever, to not know anything!

26.1.2000
jca24: Sorry - my brain appears to have broken down
nsg27: Hang on a sec, I've got to grab hold of some nothing
jjb37: Lord, if you mark our transitions who would - oops!

25.1.2000
mag32: Serge, is your button feeling better?
mpj23: Angela's an expert in carrots
mpj23: The world would come to an abrupt end if Serge were ever to refuse coffee
[caption to film 4, photo 16] susan: Hello!
  - acr33: Um. Hello. Um...
acr33: Imagine if horses had little wheels on their feet, like shopping trolleys...
gaec2: I felt like I was interacting with people. Ah, people other than the ones sitting on my lap...
sl236: I'll colonise your feet, Mike
acr33 to sl236: I'm your college!
mag32: Serge can babysit! He'll be Uncle Serge - or Auntie Serge, depending on how long his hair is at the time...!

24.1.2000
jsn23: Hard plastic would hurt more
  - akh23: Chocolate would taste nicer!
jjb37: It's Catch 22, aka females
  - nsg27: I think you should only catch one of them...
akh23: Well my nose is inside my stomach

23.1.2000
mpj23: My whole hair is a random curly thing
mag32: Do you really want a thousand luscious gorgeous men?
  - acr33: Yes - I could sell them!
jjb37: I woke up and found the world had fallen down
mpj23: Why did you fry the cake?
  - akh22: Well, it was a plastic cake...
sl236: I really hope my hedgehogs don't write my lecture notes!
jsn23: Gloucester is a lot nearer Wales than most people like to think!
acr33: I have a sudden fear! I'm going to hide in the wardrobe
sl236: "New Year party" - you would normally call this kind of thing a Christmas tree
mag32: [the Russian for:] In the next year, I want to be scrutinised by computers
mag32: I'm in the mood for lazy couples
gaec2: My bed is covered with primordial poetry soup
gaec2: When I was creating King's College Chapel, it was just as a way to use up time

22.1.2000
mag32: My floor's humming
  - mpj23: Nobody taught it the words
[original as typed in the dark] mag32:/ My fkoor'd humming
  - mpj34: Nobody taughr ir rhe wordss
[D] mpj23: Whoops - I got a coffee stain on my revision!
acr33: Man cannot live by Jaffa Cakes alone!
[D] gaec2: Restrain bouncing. Focus on Galois theory.
  [5 seconds later] ...Yuk...
mpj23: An analogy of caterflies and butterpillars
sl236: There's food; and then there's what food eats
mag32 to mpj23: Excuse me - I am not coalesced with you!
acr33 to sl236: You're nasty! - In a fluffy friendly kind of way...

21.1.2000
susan: I'll attack myself with my own gloves. To lighten up the mood, and for amusement's sake
dhk20: You're a vegetarian - do you have any lettuce?
jsn23: A combat will arise! Me versus the caviar - who will win?
mpj23: And I always think, "I don't want to do spectroscopy, I'd rather have noodles." [A comment on my rxn to lectures on Raman spectroscopy, and how much I prefer ramen noodles to the similarly-named spectroscopy --mpj23]

20.1.2000
jjb37: It's fun turning Anna upside down
pjs35: `Let me `see your `funky `chicken!
  - jjb37: `Let me `see your `piece of `blutack!
gaec2: Take my table out to dinner
mag32: Oh, the world's the right way up again
mpj23: I thought you were about to ask for Serge's nod
akh22: You're older than I was when I was your age
mpj23: You think you're getting a decent meal, but actually you're eating molten telephone wires.

18.1.2000
gaec2: I ought to start a Guild of Master Stick-Wibblers
gaec2: Look at me, I'm wibbling on the end of a stick!
acr33 to mag32: I'll pull your tail!
  - mag32: I wouldn't bother, it'll just fall off...
mag32: It's OK if you eat me really
acr33: I guess it'd be polite to eat a teabag, if someone served it to you
acr33: I'm scared walking around Cambridge in case Nagi's on his bike!
acr33: I know there is all these good reasons - DEATH - to wear a helmet...
[caption to photo 5 on film 4] akh23: I always work like this

17.1.2000
akh22: There aren't many parables about edible churches
acr33: I accidentally drank a coffee on Sunday and didn't realise!
mpj23: Hey - a pirate punt! With a skull and crossbow flag on the pole!
mag32: I'm getting up at 9 - I have to go rescue my RNA

16.1.2000
mpj23: That doesn't count as a pun, does it?
  - mag32: No - I didn't groan
[caption to photo 24 on film 3] mpj23: I've suddenly gone all tired
acr33 to mpj23: You're cuboid forever on my website
acr33: Mike's fingers keep falling off
acr33: At the moment it sounds like I've got an obsession with body parts!
acr33: You'll have to reach your hand down the window and get it
mpj23: That's disturbing! I'm disturbed!
  - acr33: We knew that.
acr33: I thought the blue checked shirt was part of Morag
akh23: I exist again
mpj23 to gaec2: We need to polymerise your hair
acr33: At this rate I'm going to be a big pot of honey
susan to gaec2: Hello, Tigger Number One! - gaec2 to susan: Hello, Tigger Number Two!
jjb37: A beetroot with a broken leg
akh22: I'm trying to form an opinion on the facial growth
  - jjb37: Alex! You' ve grown a face!
mnw21: Can you hold an elephant in the palm of your hand?
mnw21: I'll bash myself - I don't trust you!
gaec2: You get a bash on the head with a stuffed elephant, which can't be that bad
mpj23: No! There's no spam yet
acr33: She sells sick beans on the 3 4; the sick beans she sells are sea shells, I'm shore!
[wit] mpj23: There ought to be a degree in Complete Weirdness
  - mag32: There is - it's called Maths!

15.1.2000
sl236: The Snes isn't plugged in - I'd have to unplug the kettle
mag32 to helen: Has Angela been wandering round the house going "Ooh Ooh Ooh" at you randomly?
  - helen (cautiously): She... does a lot of things...
mag32: Doc-ers! Yay! *waves trainers in air* *looks at trainers in shock* Where'd my Doc-ers go?
acr33 to a plant: Hello. You're a bit spiky. Ha-ha!
acr33: My neighbours would murder me, and that'd be a terrible way to wake up in the morning
mag32: This is a sign of affection
  - mpj23: What, squidging my nose?
mpj23: Caffeine is my catalyst!
mnw21: I've just been thinking. I think everyone in this room is capable of losing me
mag32: Most of my legs are bare
  - gaec2: "Most of my legs"? How many have you got?!
mag32: ICBM? Inter-Continental Ballistic Morag!
mnw21: I'm not that unpredictable - I just kill people!
mnw21: I object to being fish-food!
mag32: My ears have gone wonky
jsn23: They're both asleep
  - mpj23: Are we still talking about Morag's ears here?!
jsn23: I have found new affinity with a Farty Bean!
mag32: I always hate going into competition with people - it's so unfair on them!
acr33: I made a mess in your fields, Mike!
mag32 to jsn23: That's my boyfriend you're insulting!
  - jsn23 to mag32 : That's my leg you're hitting!
jsn23 to gaec2: You sound like a skeleton!
jsn23 to gaec2: No offense, Alex, but you're ****ing ugly
mpj23: Do I want to wear this shoe? Nagi's been sitting on it
gaec2 to acr33: Cool! We're humans not motor-racing vehicles!
jsn23: If I had a microcam I'd shove it up my nose but unfortunately I don't...

-*- ciccu houseparty -*-


14.1.2000
mpj23: You could always try hoovering with the television, David
mag32: I'll write my name across your head. In purple. With sparkles. In unwashable ink...

13.1.2000
dk242: If everyone in the world shaved their beards off there'd be no more people in the world with beards
jmdp2: ...the lowest form of life, which is of course me

12.1.2000
[ mag32: Why won't you grow a beard? - mpj23: It'd look silly! - ]
  - mag32: If you don't grow a beard I'll paint your head purple, and then you will look silly

11.1.2000
nsg27: I can understand the toasters, elephants and microwaves, but I can't understand Zoë
gaec2: Oop - the station's moving again
nsg27: I wonder who the toilet's getting married to?
mag32 re alex's beard: It just looks like Alex with hair stuck on!
cmw36: What do statisticians do? - pjs35: Statistics!

-*- before term -*-


9.1.2000
ant: That's right, I'm smuggling gerbils across London!
sl236: That's the only Tardis I've ever seen
gaec2: No mention of my nostrils is going on my phone!! [ *sighs* -- Apart from that one... ]
acr33 re gaec2: He's got lovely nostrils [ recorded against the will of the phone & phone-owner - hence the above ]
mag32 to gaec2: You're not a female, whatever you think you are!
mag32 to acr33: You're very good at bristling, for about 2 seconds - then you just crack up!
gaec2: Mike's looking through Serge

8.1.2000
gillian to ant: I was just helping you with your democratic right to fall into the lake!
ant to tertius: Stop wallowing in self-pity and don't bash me round the head!

-*- millenium houseparty -*-


4.1.2000
mag32: Do that and you'll find yourself on your front with a duvet tied round your head.

3.1.2000
ant: My wallet's stealing money from me!
emily: Did they paint me purple because they were worshipping me? - everyone else: Yes!
mag32: I'm afraid Serge that that's not going to happen, Serge, cause I can't draw a yeti

2.1.2000
jjb37: Toasters! Elephants! Microwaves! Zoë!
jjb37: Hands up all those who want their stomachs looking at!
[wit] gaec2: I reckon banks have coin washing machines
  - jjb37: That would be money laundering!
zcl21: You'll never let me near a wine bottle again.
jjb37: There's no point having an abstract garden [ - er, I mean discussion ]
ant: Bournemouth should be shot!
susan: I'm 5'4", I think
  - ant: That's... not very tall. Well, compared to a pizza it's tall...
sl236: I'm not letting Nagi anywhere near my body!
mag32: I'd like to see if blokes really do keel over and die once a month
nre20 to mag32: Move up and you'll expand into the piano
mag32: Mike, don't snort in my ear!
  - mpj23: Why, is there a better place you'd like me to?
ant: I have access to your feet
sl236: I'm really male - I'm only pretending [ - mag32: Wiggle wiggle ]
acr33: Do you realise every time I got out of my bed, it closes?

1.1.2000
akh23: There's nothing wrong with the inside of my toes!
acr33: Power! - Well, brief power, anyway...
akh23: Me and Nia are going out
akh23: [pointing at Morag] Alan...
  - mag32: Alan?
  - akh23: Er, Morag, even
  - mag32: Oh good, I didn't think I was called Alan.
mag32: You're welcome to attack me if you want to, although I'd rather you didn't
mpj23: We're a bit short on veg, because the broccoli has gone all horrible, hadn't it?
  - akh23: [jubilantly] YES!
lynette jeggo: So Tim was right to travel round France with his mother's bathroom scales, then?
mpj23 to mag32: You've been pulled into the pit from which there is no returning
  - mag32: Oh well, I'd best go and do something else then!
gaec2: Yes, my feet can wiggle my ear
akh23 to mpj23: Carry on vibrating and mooing!
akh23: My room in college is terribly short-sighted
[wit] akh23: I don't like being thought of as a last resort
  - mpj23: Now you know how Bognor feels!

31.12.99
acr33: It's probably Best not to Ask. With a capital B. And a capital A. And a full stop because I'm generous and don't let anyone tell you I'm not.
mag32: I think I've picked up eating habits from my guinea pigs
acr33: If I wanted to play I'd have come and tickled one of you
akh23: Mike's in danger of being killed [by Alan]
  - aks27: But gently!
akh23: Alex is the Geneva Convention
mpj23: I've just put 8 mugs with milk in the dishwasher for 8 minutes.
  - nsg27: We've replaced the detergent with whipped cream, and the powder with chocolate powder. Hopefully it'll work...
mpj23: [compassionate tone] I'm sorry, Nia, I'm going to have to kill Nick...
  - nre20: [brightly] Oh, that's OK!
will: Michael certainly knows how to raven when the occasion presents itself
aks27: Anne I think is not a computer
gaec2: [looking at tube being brandished at him] I've got a cardboard tu-- Ow!
akh23 re aks27: I was giving the directions, so he was under my complete commmand
nsg27: You can stick pizza in the dishwasher if you want it reheated
nsg27: Oh Alan, you're not getting toasted!
mag32: Somebody shoot [Mike]...
[nre20 points imaginary gun at mpj23]
  - sl236: Aww, can somebody shoot me too?
sl236: I can sleep on anything - mag32: Including Mike!
mag32: You can get Nagi-ish females in woking market?!
mag32 to aks27: Why are you caressing my feet with your feet?!
  - aks27: I was trying to steal your slipper, actually
acr33: I just saw a flying bar of chocolate...
gaec2 re sl236: He has a numerous amount of expressions involving her eyebrows
mag32: The girls' room is much harder to jump in on, mainly cos it's so much smaller - sl236: Erm, [cough] -and it's got girls in...

30.12.99
gaec2: Shall we talk to Morag about sheep's tails?
acr33: Going to jail's good!
acr33: I consider myself an Englishman
akh23: If nobody dies soon I'll panic!
akh23: If you type the quote you might make me panic
acr33: Do I say "Baa" frequently?
mag32: I'm going to eat the Nobble, just to see what it tastes like
akh23: I don't know what sense is
akh23: Do you want me to come and point at you, Alex?

29.12.99
susan: Would you like to shake hands with a fork?
sl236: Sleeping in a fish has its plus points
  - mag32: Oh? What are those then?
  - sl236: Erm.. ahm... OK, no it doesn't!
acr33: Hi, I'm Angela, and this is my sheep

-*- the perfect woman (29.12.99) -*-


acr33: But if Susan's leg decides to walk, I've got no option
acr33: We don't want men's brains - they'd infect the whole thing!
acr33: We can discuss the brain at some point - it's not that important
sl236: Nagi cloning was banned by the Geneva Convention, wasn't it?
mag32: You can have Alex's legs!
  - acr33: I don't want Alex's legs!
  - mag32: Why, what's wrong with them?!
sl236: Are we making a man or a yeti here?
[D] sl236: No such thing as... enough computers...

 

Other Surreal Quotes Pages

Rhiannon Macfie's Collection of Quotes - "if you liked my page, you'll love this one!"(TM). We didn't know there was another Odd Squad, living a parallel existence in Glasgow... but this quotes page proves it!

The Mad Marmablue Web Portal - see under Insanity in the Java applet on the left for his quotes page. Me and James are occasionally featured on here, and Ant is quite a lot. It's more of the same ridiculous gibberish we come out with, but even more animé-themed than most of ours.

Quotes from Gem Thymelord and Friends. More random student gibberish. People of a more surreal turnip of minotaur may appreciate this page a little more.

 


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