The Fifth Page Of
CLASSIC QUOTES
by the Odd Squad and assorted others
"If language is about imparting meaning, why do people spend
most of their time spouting utter nonsense?"
- Claire Bowern
Quotes produced from November 2001 onwards may be found on the NokkyQuotes page on ToothyWiki.
See also:
4.11.01
marcelo mariano: I got up in front of everybody, took my Bible, and said "I'm going to *preach* the word!" And the Holy Spirit said, "Shut up!"
3.11.01
rja29: Thank you very much for the pizza, although I paid for it
acr33: But those messages are from people who like Linux, who are almost computers
lej26: Don't clear your throat in that patriarchal way!
2.11.01
acr33: A big bag of sugar... it's hard for it to walk, as it has no arms
acr33: I should have gone to sleep this afternoon, when Lucy came over
insomniacs_love: Now I will conquer the world with my raspberries
sl236 [describing an animé club] There are video
showings, dealers, ...
- aig20: Presumably you mean selling videos, not hard drugs
- sl236: Are you saying animé isn't a hard drug?
- aig20 [thoughtfully]: It *is* mind-altering...
- mpj23: And addictive...
1.11.01
aethd2: Harry Potter taught me all I know about redemption
acr33 to aethd2: You're an evil régime! In fact, I wish to amend that: you're a scary evil régime
aethd2: My birthday was a couple of weeks ago. I'll have a party when I get round to it
aethd2: Occasionally I'm asleep when it's dark. It has happened.
aethd2: Who's getting in touch with Alex? Oh, Alex can get in touch with himself...
aethd2: What do you eat?
- gaec2: Human, mostly
[I thought she said "What ARE you", you see...]
aethd2: It's in my room. I must have bought it, somehow
aethd2: She had an empty head, so it was easy for God to implant some ideas
shez to acr33: Theology you don't do, you be it
- lb266: Yes - you *are* Theology!
acr33 to aethd22: Have you turned atheist, or are you going somewhere other than StAG this term??
[StAG is among the most conservative evangelical churches in Cambridge...]
insomniacs_love: The photo I saw was the one with you with a high big smiley mask on
[A "high big smiley mask", eh?? She's referring to this
picture...]
31.10.01
gaec2: Good attendance at church: one person, a gorilla and three baskets
[caption to a photo from June]
30.10.01
jsn23: I highly recommend Arrack & Baila nights. I can't remember a single one of those nights when I haven't got hammered.
- gaec2: From what I can gather, you can't remember any of the ones when you did get hammered either...
[caption to photo 12 on angela's camera] sdm29: This game is quite silly
nathan [rolling a six on a dice]: Oh my goodness! Wh- wh- what? I've never seen so many white things in one place!
gaec2: Oh, I have no shame. Oink oink oink! Neeiiggghhhh! MooooOOOOO! Maaaaa! Cluck cluck cluck!
mpj23: You can only sabotage people with your own hedgehogs, Lucy!
game: Name five pop groups beginning with P.
- gaec2: Umm... you know... Wet Wet Wet!
lej26: I love him as a brother, but I disagree with every word he's ever said
aig20: The binary fission idea is more appealing than copulating dice
gaec2: Llama should only ever be loaded up with ice-cream, purely on aesthetic grounds
28.10.01
mag32: There's now Angela and these teddy bears and flowers teetering on the edge of a giant abyss
instructions: Do not use on streets. This is not intended for off-road use...
acr33: I'm going to get a reputation for riding round Cambridge on strange vehicles!
- sl236: What else have you ridden around on?
- mag32: Tamsyn!
ads25: If you read the WTO website you'll think that Mike Moore is the messiah. He isn't... in case you were in any doubt...
ads25: This is when we feel like we ought to let the Russians into our party, because they're lonely and they've got big guns (even though they don't work)
ads25: Most people who ought to be Belgian are in fact French
ads25: The IMF is a big amount of money, a "fund" - kindof like a charity, but EVIL
ads25: If people had to choose between buying coal and buying other things, they chose coal, because... they were a bit silly, really
ads25: I've just realised I'm asking Clare Short to "raise the debt owed to the IMF". Maybe I should add "by sponsored sitting in a large bath of beans"...
27.10.01
mpj23: Only Alex could manage to be a vegetarian without eating any fresh veg or fruitables
mpj23: Better than an earthquake - a gigantic bag of oranges fell from the sky!
gaec2: All of a sudden there are four sheep in my hand - and they're getting rather smelly!
acr33: You should patent yourself, Mike
mpj23: Trout with spring onions and towel - this is a gourmet dish, is it?
acr33: Garlic bread doesn't normally elicit the response "Oh nooo!"
gaec2: Nagi now has a cuboidal thumb
mpj23: So now Nagi knows how to cut himself open with a cheese slice.
- jsn23: Now I just need to know how to do it with cheese...
26.10.01
acr33 to mpj23: What are you doing??
- gaec2: He's gibbering.
So am I. It's quite fun.
mpj23 to gaec2: [slowly] Oh. So it's like /that/, is it?
- gaec2: Well... yes.
- mpj23: Hmm, I suppose that is the basic premise of the game. That it's "like that"... :)
rja29: It's a Bog Imp. Nice and cute - [fiercely] don't kill it!
acr33: Rob's go - I mean, Mike's go.
- rja29: Depends on your definition of Mike...
23.10.01
mag32: I claim my right to be a complete coward!
mag32: Ibble obble chocolate bobble...
- mpj23: Is that a quote?
- mag32: No, it's a normal thing to say!
- [general laughter]
- mag32 [cringing at herself]: Help! I'm losing control of my mouth!
dr106: I'll see what I can do about California
mag32: Aww! I'm all ickle and unsafe!
21.10.01
hermes [the
Cambridge mail server, normally extremely
straight-laced]: Unexpected changes to mailbox (try
restarting): merry band of noodle
rja29: Do you know what you make in the lab, Mike?
- mpj23 [with glee]: No, but it works!
rja29: Mike reveals a card at random from his or her hand
gaec2: [sings] Hope-less-ly de-vo-ted to soup...
[M] acr33: "It's blue!" "I thought it was green?" "No it's definitely blue! Hahaha!"
- ant66: What is?
- acr33: The sky...
acr33: Tip of the day: don't try to put on a coat when it still has all its buttons done up
20.10.01 (Morag & Serge warm their flat)
cvh21: By definition - if it's prior to coffee, it's gibberish
gaec2: Alex disappears in a puff of logic
- mpj23: Do we have to recreate you by feeding coffee to a mathematician and turn you into a theorem?
gaec2: We don't play Magic at games evening - we play games involving balancing bananas on our ears instead
- seb31: That sounds much safer
acr33: You can bring the rest of Christ's voices with you... not their arms and legs, they wouldn't fit...
ant66: Alex the incorporeal arm...
ant66: King Solomon the gate-crasher...
ea212: I found I couldn't read for 8 hours in a row
ant66: You know the way swimming trunks have inflatable pockets?
jsn23: I should go into these Christian seminars, start swearing at them, pulling my trousers down and strutting my funky stuff!
- lej26: But they'd just think you'd been moved by the Spirit...
ant66 to mpj23 and gaec2: Leave yourself alone, you two!
seb31: If you stay in present company too long, your brain turns to jellybabies
gaec2: Anne's in America. In New York.
- lej26: If you listen carefully, you may just be able to hear her
ea212: They start with stupid assumptions, like the universe is made out of ten-dimensional spaghetti...
lej26: As with all eco-warriors, you stop mid-sentence!
gaec2: Meat and veg on a stick
- ea212: Slightly better than a dead rat on a skewer
mpj23: [waves hand in air] I'm not Alex's fault!
ant66: OK, my ear has a new haircut
ant66: You usually kneel at altars, don't you, not tell altars to kneel...
19.10.01
[misheard by gaec2] acr33: I could always be a walrus
[it was really: I could always be a Woolworth's. Doesn't make much more sense, does it?]
mpj23: Labelling yourself as a Sainsbury's is surely more bizarre than labelling yourself as a feminist
gaec2 to acr33: It looks like you have an upside-down forest of cheese there
18.10.01
christine: You could have smoked the skin of the banana... can you smoke banana skins?
- pjt33: Not at two years old!
17.10.01
mag32: I'm translating a Russian short story while he learns the guitar. So far, I haven't started yet and neither has he.
sl236: I'm sorry, Mike, but you were bending over right next to me, and I was holding a gun and a retractable knife, and you're almost a piccolo player...
acr33: Castles and bands may break my hands, / but words will never hurt me
acr33: Soon we won't be able to defend ourselves except by throwing castles at people, and I never thought that was advisable anyway
14.10.01
mpj23: There was something I wanted to say to Angela...
- akh23: "Angela, you're very beautiful and I think you have one of my ribs"
- mag32: Wrong gender, Anne!!
- mpj23: No, I'm almost certain that wasn't it...
toh22: Oh no! I forgot to bring my alien to college this year!
13.10.01
mpj23: "Waiter, waiter, there's no fish in my coffee!"
akh23: What's the burning smell?
- jsn23: I didn't do anything!
acr33: I'm sorry, the concept of you being a whole Taliban yourself is a bit unlikely
- jsn23: Oh I dunno, with a bit of a bigger turban I might be OK...
acr33: I thought you'd lost some hair, but I put it down to carelessness
acr33: An orang-utan in a corset? I think that's against my religion!
acr33: They did some tests, in my psychology lecture, on nuns
acr33: Karmalite. It's a type of nun, like marmite.
lej26 to her husband: Did you tell them about the time you burned down that field, darling?
11.10.01
acr33: Hugh [the Robinson College chaplain] probably wouldn't appreciate being called out of bed at some time in the night to exorcise a cup of Summer Fruits squash
9.10.01
aig20: That [thing you're drawing] looks almost like a boyish version of Pokemon
- mag32 [calmly]: Insult me again and I will rip your liver out
mag32: I'm not a Jedi.
- mjcb2: Ha - says you...
mag32: Friendship's all about having babies??
acr33: You can call me Banana-Armpit
acr33: You have to do what the banana says!
mpj23: I'm twenty seconds early - can I come in anyway?
- acr33: I'm sorry, we don't welcome Jehovah's Witnesses here
7.10.01 (End of Animecon)
mag32: The aliens have invaded
- gaec2: And they're feeding us pizza!
[it *really* made sense at the time... the context involved a strange cathedral and misreading the word "Piazza"]
sl236: We'll find a splinter church - something like the United Reformed Fellowship of Friends of the Fish in Gospel
- mag32 [seriously]: Oh yes, we went to one of those...
mag32: I have no problem with the idea of being invisible and pink simultaneously. I've tried it.
4.10.01
acr33 [to gaec2]: What are you going "Uuuhnngghh" about?
- gaec2: Blimmin' Frontpage Express, doing silly things.
- acr33: Oh, I thought it was my trousers...
3.10.01
lej26: I think everyone in my staircase thinks I'm a freak...
- gaec2: Um, Lucy? They're not the only ones [evilgrin]
- lej26: Yes, well, I like to pretend I'm normal sometimes..
acr33: Serge, occasionally you come out with the most obscure and unexpected things...
- mpj23: Occasionally?!
mag32: I can't imagine Lucy trying to be sugary sweet - she's more like a lemon
acr33: You leave [Serge & Alex] for a few minutes and everything turns strange...
2.10.01
dr105: Don't do something useful, do something stylish!
sl236: I hate to break this to you, Nagi, but you are not a woman!
lej26 [misquoting gaec2]: "Oh I've got colleagues now" - you sound like such a man of the world! I'm a student - I don't have colleagues, I still just have mates
1.10.01
sl236: I need a hammer.
- gaec2: For what?
- sl236: Making "boing-splat" noises.
- gaec2: With what?!?
- mag32 & acr33 [simultaneously]: Elephants!
[misparsed by acr33] sl236: I wonder if I can make a prophet with a bean farm?
gaec2: I didn't know what to think or look like
mpj23: Serge is a great tormentor of electrical rabbits
sl236: Do hedgehogs go "meep"?
- gaec2: They do now!
gaec2 to mpj23: Impressive - you can identify my voice just from a squeak
30.9.01
sl236: At this rate I'm not going to meet the Akhursts for the entire 3 months I'm living there!
- acr33: Who are they?
- sl236: The family I'm sleeping with
mag32: Angela, I'm not sure that sitting under a fat businessman is much better than hanging onto the wheels of a plane
acr33: I'm sure those restaurant owners go, "There's these irritating people who come in, eat a meal for œ15 between them, make lots of noise, talk about flying poo, and go home!"
mag32: Mike - thou art a prat.
- mpj23: Mooo.
- gaec2: Thou art a bovine prat.
mpj23 to acr33: I wouldn't have thought you're any more a mummy or daddy elephant than you are a God
acr33: Oh, I woke up - it's wonderful!
mpj23: [re a plastic bag] That's the strangest elephant I ever saw
acr33 to mpj23: Is this people you were eating?
- mpj23: Yes. What? No, I wasn't eating them...!
mag32: The name's Aardvark. Aardvark Aardvark.
- gaec2: Licensed to cause a silly grin...
mpj23: You don't pick up any international students - you tell them where to go
acr33: Imagine if you got hit by a flying poo and died...
acr33: You ask someone to be your baby, and they say yes so that they don't have to pay for the moon flight
acr33: They've got a tunnel, now, in a random place - up to the sky! You parachute back down...
sl236: I'd be sleepy and hyper at the same time. "Cling to the ceiling!" - [falling-asleep sound] - "Cling to the ceiling!" - [falling-asleep sound]
- mag32: No, what you do is you go to sleep on the ceiling...
29.9.01 (Housebarbecuing party at 19SCA)
mag32: They're like "old people" old, like 30, and stuff!
[anti-D gaec2] akh23: This is Alex - he's vaguely normal
lej26: Every time I've met him I've not got on with him - and he's a really bad speller as well!
sl236: I'm doing my PhD in finishing Alex's sentences
27.9.01
christine lafon: The other elders get paid - Philippe has to work
5.9.01
lej26: When the Jehovah's Witnesses come over, we get them to do the washing-up - we figure we might as well get some use out of them
gaec2: Every now and then I just look up and think, "Yikes! There's a giant wooden dolphin about to hit us!"
4.9.01
acr33: I don't think feminism is about oppressing men, Lucy!
- lej26: Oh, I don't know...
3.9.01
mag32: The next one to come out with a silly comment gets shot!
- gaec2: Hmmm. You know those frogs...
- acr33: Yes?
- gaec2: Well, do you think that if we harnessed them, we could...
- acr33: Bang!
- sl236: Aww, that was sounding interesting!
- mag32: Yes, let's waive the gun for now. Go on, Alex?
- gaec2: [sheepishly] I've no idea - it was just a feed line to let Angela shoot me
2.9.01
sl236: This is Scotland: if they could make a haggis out of fish, they would. And I'd probably quite like it, as well...
sl236: [speculatively] What does one need to declare oneself an independent country?
gaec2: Sheep that can do 50 miles an hour are quite scary!
1.9.01
gaec2: What would you like on your toastles?
- acr33 [mournfully]: Socks?
31.8.01
acr33: Is that enough for you to be able to breathe, Zoe, or will we have to hoover ourselves?
7.8.01
elaine: We had a week without children last week
- steve: And now we have a week without wooden spoons...
philippe [arriving]: Is the water hot for me? Why aren't you keeping the water hot for me? - [touches it] - Oww!!
8.8.01
celia: It's always the most profound things you forget, isn't it? Something about a starfish...